This last week has been rough on me in a lot of ways, but I'll start off by saying thanks be to God that He's gotten me through it. I look at myself and I tell myself that with everything that has been going on, I should have no reason to be in this positive of an attitude. Yet, God is good. I know it sounds so cliche sometimes, but it's so true. He really, really is. It's taken me almost 20 years to acknowledge it, I'm sure it's going to take a lot more than that for me to fully understand what it means.There have been several things that have gone on this week that have been stressing me, but the thing I'm going to focus on is my great grandmother. The woman who raised my sister, Katie, and myself for just about 10 years. This week, my great grandmother was put into the hospital after having a stroke on Tuesday morning. I went down to go see her in Wichita, KS on Thursday. Man...that was one of the most difficult things I've had to do in a very very long time.
When I had gotten to the hospital and found where she was, I walked into the room. Her, her sister, and one of my cousins (as well as a nurse, of course) where the only ones in the room. According to my cousin, when I walked in, my great grandmother saw me and everyone else vanished. When my cousin first asked her what my name was, she said my dad's name. Then she finally remembered. The funniest thing that she said during the first visit was that she was 28 years old. I couldn't help but laugh. Then I told her that she looked it. It took me everything I had not to break down in front of everyone in the room, but I'm sure everyone could tell I was about too.
I left and told her I'd come back after dinner, which I did. This time though, it was just me and her (plus the occasional nurse). That time I did break down, whispering to her. I didn't know how much she could understand or remember, but I told her thank you. I told her that she had succeeded at what God wanted for her to do with my life at the very least. How it was because of her, that I grew up to become a very respectful young man. That it was her care that taught me how to be compassionate for others. She also taught me how to have a conscience. She wasn't able to speak much, if any at all during the time I visited her again, but I sat in her hospital room for 2 hours, just holding her hand, breaking down from time to time, and snacking on ice cream a nurse gave us.
This visit with my great grandmother may just be the last one that I have with her on this side of Heaven. So I want to take this blog to commemorate what this true woman of God has done for me in my life, and to show that God can use anyone to help fulfill his plans.
So lets get the things that my great grandmother could have done a bit better on when she raised me. You know, get the negatives up and out the way first. I really wish my great grandmother hadn't sheltered me as much when I was a kid. I wish she had let me go spend time with friends more...or had given me the chance to try and make more friends. Really, I just wish I would have been given more freedom, at least for an elementary aged kid.
But with that came so many positives. My great grandmother taught me how to be respectful to everybody. She taught me to keep my tongue in check. She taught me to behave. There are so many things that my great grandmother taught me, but the most important one I believe is this: My great grandmother taught me to have a conscience. If she had not done that, I doubt wholeheartedly that I would be the young man, let alone young man of God, that I am today. If it wasn't for her, I'd probably have been a trouble maker, but who knows? All I know is I am eternally grateful for everything that she did for me.
I pray that this last visit that I had with her will not be our last time seeing each on this side of Heaven, but if it is, I am prepared as I possibly can be. So I want to keep her memory in honor as God is preparing her for what may soon be her trip home. She's worked very hard and has only seen the sprouting of the fruits of her labor, but I am convinced that she has done what God has requested of her, and for that, this rest is something that I believe that she greatly deserves.
Love you Nana. If we do not see each other again on this side of Heaven, may you find rest in God and know that you did not fail. We will see each other again.
Till next time
Richie Tha Rapper
