“Why ‘Churchy Answers’ Don’t Help The Church”
I’ve attended several churches over the last 8 years and as I reflect for a moment I realize something that has just begun to greatly bother me. I’ve noticed that somehow, we as Christians, have trained ourselves to give answers to problems in a very, well….churchy way. When we’re presented with a challenge, mainly when trying to help a brother or sister in Christ out with a problem s/he is facing, we have this tendency to give advice or solutions that you usually hear from the pulpit. Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, however, from my experiences, as well as what I hear and see from others who are constantly struggling, this approach tends to be the go-to approach for when we want to help, and there’s a problem with this. Though the intentions are almost always good and pure, giving someone purely a “churchy answer” may not be the best or even right way to help. In fact, giving just “churchy answers” might actually damage your relationship with the person or people that you’re trying to help. In turn, damaging the church.
Speaking with myself included, when a person (doesn’t even have to be Christian) comes to a Christian for help, they usually come with the hope and mindset that that person will be able to act upon providing help (or at the very least attempt). I’ll use myself as an example here and try to keep the details vague, as not to call out or appear that I’m calling anyone specifically out. All growing up I got use real quick to always being the loner kid. I generally accepted it, but it always bothered me that whatever friends I did have never really went out of their way to try and get to know me, and I mean really try to know the real me. This really hurt me when my Christian friends wouldn’t do this. Even friends of mine from church did this to me. They’d talk to me at church, but wouldn’t say a word to me in school. They wouldn’t even check up on me, and if they did, it wasn’t exactly because they thought “Hey, I should go check on Richie to see how he’s doing.” It was more of “Oh Richie’s walking by. Might as well say hi while he’s here, then I got to get to class.” Or something like that.
I’ve always been very socially awkward, mainly because I didn’t really have friends until high school, and even then, the friends I had weren’t exactly great influences at the time (though, one of them has recently believed or re-believed in Jesus, so that’s been pretty awesome). I have a high fear of rejection. I have trust issues. I fear abandonment. I’ve been told that I’m a survivor. Sadly, that’s 100% accurate. It’s also sad, because with being a survivor, I am also very skilled at doing what I have to do to survive, and sometimes I make decisions that I regret later. I wasn’t prepared for the real world, for adulthood, and so I’ve been having to make due with what I have and what I know. At the same time, I also have to rely on God, and what or who he’ll use to help provide and get me by. It’s really tough trying to live with the mindset that God is providing when he uses someone to help you and all you can think of is your survival skills. I use to be ashamed to ask people for help, because I felt that I’d be manipulating someone for something or, because they would reject me. Even now, I have to try to shake those feelings when I go for help for certain things.
Fortunately for me, and surprise surprise, for you as well, God works in mysterious ways through the ordinary. The last couple of years have been extremely rough for me, and even that is a massive understatement. Through a long, complex series of events, God has been bringing out all of the problems, emotions, and pains that I’ve been repressing throughout the years and has begun working on them. Needless to say, I wish that it could just be done and over with so I didn’t have to go through all of this pain, but of course, I’m not God and God always knows what he’s doing. God has been using a couple of people in my life right now to help me start building the most fundamental thing of really anything that has to do with positive things (most vague, generic statement ever!): Trust. God has been working through an older gentleman and a couple of guys my age to help me start trusting not only in people, but in Him as well. It’s still shaky, but I’ve trusted God a lot more lately now than I ever have in my past, all because he’s brought people into my life that have proven themselves trustworthy.
To slightly change gears here, and go from positive to slightly negative, I want to talk about the actual topic of this post. While I’m typing this, I’m not sure exactly how I want to present my idea about this, but somehow my idea will be completely written, so go with this and hopefully it’ll make sense.
How have “churchy answers” affected me? Well, quite frankly, a lot. The statement “Actions Speaks Louder Than Words” may sound cliché, but they are completely true. Especially for people with any kind of social or psychological issue. I’m so used to hearing people say one thing and completely do something else. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but quite frankly, for me, it is really hard for me to trust people. Sadly enough, this has even affected how I view my church family. I won’t go into detail, out of respect and the fact that at some point I want to address my issues I have with my church personally, but I want to present you with a challenge. The main problem that I feel is current within the ENTIRE church body is this: We simply do not take the time to invest in each other, and communally, help tackle each others problems. We’re quick to take care of the surface issues, but we like to stay stuck in our comfort zones. We like to think that when it comes to the deep issues, we only worry about our own. We think that we cannot do anything to help someone get out of the dark areas of their lives, sinful or not. We get afraid of what might happen to us when we go out of our way to make a distinct impact on someone’s life, no matter how big or small the impact, or how big or small the issues the person is facing. And to be fair, it is difficult. When you invest in someone and really try to be there and be active in their life when they deal with major issues, it can take a lot out of you, but believe me when I say that if you do it with the right intentions and depend on God, he will give you the strength you never knew you had. I know this from personal experience.
So, as a challenge, I’d like to present a list of things that you can, and should try, when you are presented with someone who is hurting and may very well need you, and I mean YOU. Check it out:
#1. Act Godly Advice, Don’t Just Give It.
It’s easy to simply give someone a piece of scripture to read or to simply say “I’ll pray for you”, but it could be more detrimental to actually sit down and read through an entire section of scripture or pray for someone right on the spot. Or if you want a biblical reason, well James 2:15-16 comes to mind. “15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” (NIV) For all you know, speaking or acting when someone approaches you may make all the difference on how a persons relationship with God will go. Always keep that in mind.
#2. Make Time For People, Don’t Let Time Make You
Generally, when most people are asking for help, it usually means that in some way, shape or form, they are looking for someone who will spend time with them to help them overcome their current situation. As we all know, we live in a very speedy society where time isn’t really on our side, and that’s our own doing. We get so caught up in what we’re doing that we lose sight of what Jesus called us to do. He called us to look out for others interest (Philippians 2:4), bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), to love one another with brotherly affection (Romans 12:10), be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), and maybe one of the most important commandments of all is the Greatest Commandment. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. I’m sure it’s no surprise that we like to make time for ourselves, but we’re told to think of ourselves less. So if you enjoy making time for yourself, but want to live out Jesus’ greatest command, try making time for others as well. Even those who don’t need help, but I challenge you to make them your top priority.
#3. Leave Judging To Judy…Or God. Mostly God.
If there was one flaw that I wish I could magically erase from all Christians, it would be that we all think we have the answer or solution to everything. Or better yet, that my way is the right and/or best way. Quite frankly, we may belong to Christ, but we’re still human. When people who are hurting come to you the last thing they want to hear is you telling them that it’s their fault and that they got into it themselves. Regardless of how true or not that is, that doesn’t help…at all. In fact, it usually makes things worse. I’m sure if you came to me with your bills and taxes problem, the last thing you want to hear me say is “Well, you shouldn’t have used up your credit card on that 90” flat screen T.V., BMW, Pool Table, and your own personal liquor collection. Then you wouldn’t be over $9000 in debt.” No one wants to hear that. I make light of that, but the fact of the matter is that, for the most part, people already know why they are having a problem. They just don’t know how to fix it or get out of it. When helping someone deal with sin (or even just a bad habit), judging them is the last thing you want to do. In fact, you shouldn’t want to do it at all, ever. If a person brings up something going on in their life that they need help getting through, telling them that it makes them a bad person is pretty much a nail in the coffin and you may have just screwed yourself in helping them, and possibly screwed that person’s confidence and trust in either you, God, or themselves. There’s a time and place for rebuking sin, but judging someone should be done by God and God alone, and occasionally Judy.
And finally, #4. He Who Has An Ear, Let Him Hear
Something that I’ve been trying to work on over the last few years is listening to people, and I mean actually listening. Not listen for a bit, and then interject a thought or idea that I have, but actually take the time to sit, and really pay attention to someone talk, even if I find it annoying or difficult to be still. Going back to James, I get challenged when I read the famous scripture, “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” (James 1:19), but it’s so important. I get frustrated at both others and myself. I get frustrated at others, because very seldom do I get people who are willing to fully listen to me, and I get frustrated at myself because I’m not exactly the greatest talker. So telling people what’s going on gets tough, and thus, usually, people listening to me gets even tougher. Listening is a choice, and it’s a hard one. You have to have the right attitude and mindset when you choose to listen to someone talk about what they’re going through. If you don’t give that person you’re full attention, they will begin to think that they are wasting your time, and that never helps. While we’re on the subject, something that Christians as a whole, myself included, needs to work on more is listening to God, and I mean really listening to God. Exactly like I’m talking about here. The next time you pray after reading this, be completely still and quiet and listen to see if God says anything to you. He may surprise you.
So, this has been one of the longest posts I’ve ever written. I’m pretty sure I could even make this a sermon, but it’s something that’s been on my heart for a while, and something that I think needs to be addressed within the Christian community. We, as the body of Christ, want and desire to go out of our churches and homes and go share God’s message with our communities, our cities, counties, states, country. Our whole world. However, even though we still make impacts all over the world, and praise God for those impacts, we can never make a fully complete impact out there if we can’t make an impact inside the Body. It creates tension and division. It creates mistrust. If we can’t be there to help each other, then what good are we really going to be to those who we want to share this amazing, perfect savior Jesus Christ? In short term, it may look good, but from a long term, possibly eternal perspective, it’s caused problems in the past, and history is always doomed to repeat itself.
To put it much simpler: Churchy Answers will never help the church, but Christ-like Actions will.
Till Next Time
Richie Tha Rapper
I’ve attended several churches over the last 8 years and as I reflect for a moment I realize something that has just begun to greatly bother me. I’ve noticed that somehow, we as Christians, have trained ourselves to give answers to problems in a very, well….churchy way. When we’re presented with a challenge, mainly when trying to help a brother or sister in Christ out with a problem s/he is facing, we have this tendency to give advice or solutions that you usually hear from the pulpit. Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, however, from my experiences, as well as what I hear and see from others who are constantly struggling, this approach tends to be the go-to approach for when we want to help, and there’s a problem with this. Though the intentions are almost always good and pure, giving someone purely a “churchy answer” may not be the best or even right way to help. In fact, giving just “churchy answers” might actually damage your relationship with the person or people that you’re trying to help. In turn, damaging the church.
Speaking with myself included, when a person (doesn’t even have to be Christian) comes to a Christian for help, they usually come with the hope and mindset that that person will be able to act upon providing help (or at the very least attempt). I’ll use myself as an example here and try to keep the details vague, as not to call out or appear that I’m calling anyone specifically out. All growing up I got use real quick to always being the loner kid. I generally accepted it, but it always bothered me that whatever friends I did have never really went out of their way to try and get to know me, and I mean really try to know the real me. This really hurt me when my Christian friends wouldn’t do this. Even friends of mine from church did this to me. They’d talk to me at church, but wouldn’t say a word to me in school. They wouldn’t even check up on me, and if they did, it wasn’t exactly because they thought “Hey, I should go check on Richie to see how he’s doing.” It was more of “Oh Richie’s walking by. Might as well say hi while he’s here, then I got to get to class.” Or something like that.
I’ve always been very socially awkward, mainly because I didn’t really have friends until high school, and even then, the friends I had weren’t exactly great influences at the time (though, one of them has recently believed or re-believed in Jesus, so that’s been pretty awesome). I have a high fear of rejection. I have trust issues. I fear abandonment. I’ve been told that I’m a survivor. Sadly, that’s 100% accurate. It’s also sad, because with being a survivor, I am also very skilled at doing what I have to do to survive, and sometimes I make decisions that I regret later. I wasn’t prepared for the real world, for adulthood, and so I’ve been having to make due with what I have and what I know. At the same time, I also have to rely on God, and what or who he’ll use to help provide and get me by. It’s really tough trying to live with the mindset that God is providing when he uses someone to help you and all you can think of is your survival skills. I use to be ashamed to ask people for help, because I felt that I’d be manipulating someone for something or, because they would reject me. Even now, I have to try to shake those feelings when I go for help for certain things.
Fortunately for me, and surprise surprise, for you as well, God works in mysterious ways through the ordinary. The last couple of years have been extremely rough for me, and even that is a massive understatement. Through a long, complex series of events, God has been bringing out all of the problems, emotions, and pains that I’ve been repressing throughout the years and has begun working on them. Needless to say, I wish that it could just be done and over with so I didn’t have to go through all of this pain, but of course, I’m not God and God always knows what he’s doing. God has been using a couple of people in my life right now to help me start building the most fundamental thing of really anything that has to do with positive things (most vague, generic statement ever!): Trust. God has been working through an older gentleman and a couple of guys my age to help me start trusting not only in people, but in Him as well. It’s still shaky, but I’ve trusted God a lot more lately now than I ever have in my past, all because he’s brought people into my life that have proven themselves trustworthy.
To slightly change gears here, and go from positive to slightly negative, I want to talk about the actual topic of this post. While I’m typing this, I’m not sure exactly how I want to present my idea about this, but somehow my idea will be completely written, so go with this and hopefully it’ll make sense.
How have “churchy answers” affected me? Well, quite frankly, a lot. The statement “Actions Speaks Louder Than Words” may sound cliché, but they are completely true. Especially for people with any kind of social or psychological issue. I’m so used to hearing people say one thing and completely do something else. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but quite frankly, for me, it is really hard for me to trust people. Sadly enough, this has even affected how I view my church family. I won’t go into detail, out of respect and the fact that at some point I want to address my issues I have with my church personally, but I want to present you with a challenge. The main problem that I feel is current within the ENTIRE church body is this: We simply do not take the time to invest in each other, and communally, help tackle each others problems. We’re quick to take care of the surface issues, but we like to stay stuck in our comfort zones. We like to think that when it comes to the deep issues, we only worry about our own. We think that we cannot do anything to help someone get out of the dark areas of their lives, sinful or not. We get afraid of what might happen to us when we go out of our way to make a distinct impact on someone’s life, no matter how big or small the impact, or how big or small the issues the person is facing. And to be fair, it is difficult. When you invest in someone and really try to be there and be active in their life when they deal with major issues, it can take a lot out of you, but believe me when I say that if you do it with the right intentions and depend on God, he will give you the strength you never knew you had. I know this from personal experience.
So, as a challenge, I’d like to present a list of things that you can, and should try, when you are presented with someone who is hurting and may very well need you, and I mean YOU. Check it out:
#1. Act Godly Advice, Don’t Just Give It.
It’s easy to simply give someone a piece of scripture to read or to simply say “I’ll pray for you”, but it could be more detrimental to actually sit down and read through an entire section of scripture or pray for someone right on the spot. Or if you want a biblical reason, well James 2:15-16 comes to mind. “15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” (NIV) For all you know, speaking or acting when someone approaches you may make all the difference on how a persons relationship with God will go. Always keep that in mind.
#2. Make Time For People, Don’t Let Time Make You
Generally, when most people are asking for help, it usually means that in some way, shape or form, they are looking for someone who will spend time with them to help them overcome their current situation. As we all know, we live in a very speedy society where time isn’t really on our side, and that’s our own doing. We get so caught up in what we’re doing that we lose sight of what Jesus called us to do. He called us to look out for others interest (Philippians 2:4), bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), to love one another with brotherly affection (Romans 12:10), be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), and maybe one of the most important commandments of all is the Greatest Commandment. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. I’m sure it’s no surprise that we like to make time for ourselves, but we’re told to think of ourselves less. So if you enjoy making time for yourself, but want to live out Jesus’ greatest command, try making time for others as well. Even those who don’t need help, but I challenge you to make them your top priority.
#3. Leave Judging To Judy…Or God. Mostly God.
If there was one flaw that I wish I could magically erase from all Christians, it would be that we all think we have the answer or solution to everything. Or better yet, that my way is the right and/or best way. Quite frankly, we may belong to Christ, but we’re still human. When people who are hurting come to you the last thing they want to hear is you telling them that it’s their fault and that they got into it themselves. Regardless of how true or not that is, that doesn’t help…at all. In fact, it usually makes things worse. I’m sure if you came to me with your bills and taxes problem, the last thing you want to hear me say is “Well, you shouldn’t have used up your credit card on that 90” flat screen T.V., BMW, Pool Table, and your own personal liquor collection. Then you wouldn’t be over $9000 in debt.” No one wants to hear that. I make light of that, but the fact of the matter is that, for the most part, people already know why they are having a problem. They just don’t know how to fix it or get out of it. When helping someone deal with sin (or even just a bad habit), judging them is the last thing you want to do. In fact, you shouldn’t want to do it at all, ever. If a person brings up something going on in their life that they need help getting through, telling them that it makes them a bad person is pretty much a nail in the coffin and you may have just screwed yourself in helping them, and possibly screwed that person’s confidence and trust in either you, God, or themselves. There’s a time and place for rebuking sin, but judging someone should be done by God and God alone, and occasionally Judy.
And finally, #4. He Who Has An Ear, Let Him Hear
Something that I’ve been trying to work on over the last few years is listening to people, and I mean actually listening. Not listen for a bit, and then interject a thought or idea that I have, but actually take the time to sit, and really pay attention to someone talk, even if I find it annoying or difficult to be still. Going back to James, I get challenged when I read the famous scripture, “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” (James 1:19), but it’s so important. I get frustrated at both others and myself. I get frustrated at others, because very seldom do I get people who are willing to fully listen to me, and I get frustrated at myself because I’m not exactly the greatest talker. So telling people what’s going on gets tough, and thus, usually, people listening to me gets even tougher. Listening is a choice, and it’s a hard one. You have to have the right attitude and mindset when you choose to listen to someone talk about what they’re going through. If you don’t give that person you’re full attention, they will begin to think that they are wasting your time, and that never helps. While we’re on the subject, something that Christians as a whole, myself included, needs to work on more is listening to God, and I mean really listening to God. Exactly like I’m talking about here. The next time you pray after reading this, be completely still and quiet and listen to see if God says anything to you. He may surprise you.
So, this has been one of the longest posts I’ve ever written. I’m pretty sure I could even make this a sermon, but it’s something that’s been on my heart for a while, and something that I think needs to be addressed within the Christian community. We, as the body of Christ, want and desire to go out of our churches and homes and go share God’s message with our communities, our cities, counties, states, country. Our whole world. However, even though we still make impacts all over the world, and praise God for those impacts, we can never make a fully complete impact out there if we can’t make an impact inside the Body. It creates tension and division. It creates mistrust. If we can’t be there to help each other, then what good are we really going to be to those who we want to share this amazing, perfect savior Jesus Christ? In short term, it may look good, but from a long term, possibly eternal perspective, it’s caused problems in the past, and history is always doomed to repeat itself.
To put it much simpler: Churchy Answers will never help the church, but Christ-like Actions will.
Till Next Time
Richie Tha Rapper
