I Am Not A "Christian Rapper"

It's been a little while since I've made a post, but I figured since I'm in the process of getting a mixtape done, my thoughts on this topic should be talked about a little bit.

In the Christian community there is what's known as "Christian Hip Hop" and "Christian Rappers." I would like to take a moment and announce now before I release my first project that I do not plan on taking on that title. Not because I don't love Jesus, or because I plan on rapping about things other than Jesus, in fact, it's quite the contrary. I don't want the title because I love Jesus, and I do plan on talking about things other than him (but don't get it twisted, Jesus is going to be present in my lyrics).

Looking at how things have been going in CHH, especially as an upcoming artist, when I see cats leaving the faith after being all in at the start of their music careers, I have to ask myself: "Do I really want that kind of pressure put on me?" Quite frankly, in a word: No. I'm an outsider looking in. I'm an anomaly (lol, Lecrae puns...). I'm an outcast and quite frankly in a mess spiritually. My goals for my music projects isn't to get anyone on an emotional hype train about Jesus. My goals is to show you what matters, both the good stuff and the bad. The dark days where I just don't feel Jesus' presence, and the bright days when I do. I want to show the journey of my heart working it's way to being in the right place, and I'm not going to lie, there are going to be times when it just isn't. I want anyone who ever listens to anything I ever release to understand that.

I understand why people within the CHH community see the music as a plane of ministry, but in my opinion, I don't think it should be. At least not in the context of training and raising disciples. By all means, rap about Jesus and let people learn about God, I'm not going to diminish that, but to me, I think ministering needs to be more personal. More direct. I have no doubt in my mind that many of these rappers right now have people in their personal lives that they are in fact ministering to, and that's wonderful, but I've listened to every Lecrae album, save "Real Talk" and have never met the man in person (among any other artist that I've listened to, with the exception of Thi'sl, Rawservant, Dillon Chase, and Cash Hollistah. Met each of them once. Cool dudes.). So how can Lecrae really minister to me if he doesn't know me personally? He really can't. He can't take time to pray for me or learn of what my struggles are, but I bet the pastor or elder at the church down the street can. I bet I can run into someone who's a little wiser and a little more mature in faith here where I'm at can minister to me. I'd rather take that.

And this same rule will eventually apply to me as a musician. Who knows how far any of my music will travel? I don't. I do know though that I can't have deep, meaningful relationships with everyone all around the world. There's not enough time on this Earth for that. What I do have time for is finding the people here that Christ has in store for me to meet and walk with. I'm getting married soon. My wife will be my number 1 ministry. My second ministry will be the body. Third is everyone else I come in contact with. It doesn't mean that I'm going to bring everyone to Christ, but if I plant or water a seed in good faith, then I know that I've done what the Lord requires of me. If music helps to do that, then so be it, I will still serve my God how he wills, but I wish to view my music, my art, as it is. Just that: Art. Anything else that comes from it is God's doing, not mine. As you'll someday hear me say "I'm just a story telling rapper that's rapping to tell a story." Everything else is between God and the one who hears what I have to rap and sing about.

Till Next Time

Richie Buzz

Richie's Current Top Ten Most Influential Songs

Here recently, I've been listening to a lot of music, and when I say a lot I mean A LOT of music. Music is, and always has been, my life. It's what gets me creative, what helps me escape, and what helps me cope.

Life has thrown many curve balls and sucker punches my way, and has left me in times where nothing made sense, I became hurt and alone, and I felt down and out.

Today I'm creating a top ten list of songs that have helped me get through rough times and helped shape things in my life such as dreams, goals, faith, and character.

This was a really hard list to make, and this list very well could change in time, but for now this is the top ten songs for me and why they make the list. So without further ado, let's get to it!

#10
"Apologize" by One Republic
When I hear this song, there's a word that comes to mind to describe it, and that word is "timeless." For the fact that this is considered a Top 40 song, One Republic somehow managed to do something that very few artists have been able to accomplish: Create a song that is still relevant, still captivating, still beautiful, and still played on the radio well over 6 years since it's release. "Apologize" is one of those songs that if you picture a romantic scenario that looks like it's about to hit a breaking point, this song could play flawlessly with it. Seriously, anything from way back in the day to in the robotic, sci-fi future that we may or may not ever have, and everything in between. Add to the fact that Timbaland took these guys into his studio and added a nice little instrumental remix to the vocals and you've got two versions of this song that both hold quite a bit of weight. This song makes the list because I've had moments where the song relates perfectly to where I was in relationships with friends and family that got really tough. Times where the pain became too much and where I didn't know what to do or what to say. Times when I fought hard for the people in my life. Times where I had to deal with rejection. This song would've made it higher on the list, but there are a few others that deserve the higher spots. Here's number 9.

#9
"Jesus Muzik" by Lecrae ft Trip Lee
"Ridin' with my top down listen to this Jesus muzik!"
When I first heard the intro to this song I had no idea just how much of an impact those words were going to have on my life. I had no idea that this song was going to dramatically shift how I handled writing words of poetry and of rap. I had no idea that this song was going to be the song that really paved the way to where I am now with my dream and goal of being a rapper/musician. I don't know why, but it feels like this was the song that caught a lot of peoples attention and caused a lot even more people to realize they have the same dream as I do. This was the first Christian Rap song I ever heard and needless to say, I was instantly hooked. Shoot, I remember I walked almost an hour to an entertainment store with my walkman just to pick up the album this song is off of "After The Music Stops." This album had a lot of great songs on it, a couple that almost made the list ("Prayin' For You," "Send Me," and "El Shaddai  feat Cam"), but ultimately, this song was the one that held the most weight and was what came in at #9. I really don't know what else to say about this song other than the fact that the music video for this song was bangin dope. Man, 2006 had some great music. Moving on

#8
"Bring Me To Life"/"My Immortal" by Evanescence
So, this one ended up being a tie, but I'm allowing it because it's from the same band and the same album, but these two songs are songs that I have listened to for over 10 years, and to this day they still offer me something new and refreshing each and every time I listen to them. I put them together because when I do listen to them, I will always listen to them back-to-back. I'll be honest, I tend to have hero complex where I want to save people that I care deeply about from the problems they're facing, and, unless I have some sort of super power that's been laying dormant all my life, I probably will never be able to save them. On the other side of the coin, I also have the desire to want to be saved by someone (I mean, yeah Jesus, but also from someone else as well). I want to be rescued. There are, and have been, to many times where I feel trapped. Where I feel like I need someone to come get me out of the ruts and pits of life. And, for the most part, that's never been something that's happened. At least until recently. but I'll save that for a different post. All in all though, these two songs are songs that I can go and escape reality for a while and imagine what I wish I could do to help those that I wish I could help. Before moving on to #7, one quick thing...

Bonus
"Broken" by Seether & Amy Lee
As a musician, this is just one of many songs on my "To Cover Bucket List" and for good reason. Though this isn't my number 1 song, it is a song I hold very near and dear to my heart. It's a song that I fell in love with when I started listening to it again after so many years and it started becoming relevant to what was going on in my life. I don't want to go into too many details about why I love this song so much, but if you pay attention to the lyrics you can get a pretty good idea. When I do get around to covering this in the next 10 years, I also have a sick idea for a music video to go with it, but that's neither here nor there. Moving on

#7
"The End Of Heartache" by Killswitch Engage
So, I'll be honest. This is literally the only song by Killswitch Engage that I know, but you know what, I'm so glad I do. This is another one of those songs that play into my hero complex thing. Really though, it's just a great pump you up-er. I enjoy listening to it when I'm feeling down or when things get rough. It gives me resolve, it gives me courage, and it gives me the strength to keep pressing on no matter what obstacle I might have in front of me. Plus, it's got some pretty B.A. guitar riffs in it, and who doesn't like a nice, heavy riff every now and then?

#6
"The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars
Only recently have I begun getting into the punk/rock/emo genres and subgenres (mostly in thanks to Guitar Hero), but "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars plays in my mind a little differently than I think the band intended. Now, I have no idea if 30 Seconds to Mars is a Christian band or has Christian influences, and honestly, I don't really want to research it right now, but when I listen to this song, I like to imagine inside a church and someone about to get baptized. The song plays through the ritual (I guess I'll use that word, I don't really like it though), and in the church you have a congregation sitting in the pews watching while you have Jesus on one side of the sanctuary and Lucifer on the other. The song, in my mind, is in the perspective of the person being baptized and sung in a confrontational way towards to Lucifer, while some parts are sung towards Jesus. I put this song on the list, because it helps give me a different perspective on my own baptism and my own faith.

#5
"Scars" by Papa Roach
Though I don't relate word for word to this song, the main ideas and points this song presents are very relating to me. Just like "Broken" if you just listen to the lyrics you can have a pretty clear idea why this song is on this list. This is one of those songs that's going to take me a while to not affect me in a way that brings back painful memories, but that's just fine. If it didn't affect me, it wouldn't make this list. So yeah, listen to it and you'll understand why.

#4
"Move Along"/"It Ends Tonight" by The All-American Rejects
Here's another one that tied, and it tied for pretty much the same reasons as the last tie, save for this time it's more because these are songs I listen to to help me gradually let go and move on from some of the more severe pains and hurts I've taken in life. I know I still have a long way to go on my road to healing and recovery and these two songs are going to be there with me along the way, and though they may not be songs created for the purpose of faith, you would be pretty oblivious to say that they don't have underlying faith themes. Though I wouldn't call them timeless or epic, they are great songs that always give nice breath of fresh air whenever I'm hung up on things that I need to start putting behind me and letting them be what they are: memories.

#3
"Say Something" A Great Big World/Pentatonix
If you've ever listened to this song from either the original or Pentatonix's epic cover and didn't shed a tear, I very well may question your level of humanity. Everything about this song screams remembrance of pain and hurt, and one of those songs where I feel like it's okay to be very universal. A lot of people give pop songs like this one flak for being vague and general, but I think that it's ok. This is a song that I think hits every individual on a different level  For me, this song is another song to help me begin to move on from past pain I've felt. It's allowed me to go to my mind and picture the person(s) that have hurt me and say "You've hurt me. I love you, but now I need to let you go and move on with my life. I will always care about you and I'm always here if you need my help, but I won't continue to hold on to this pain." This song never fails to bring a tear to my eye, and sometimes it never fails to let that tear fall.

#2
"Everything" by Lifehouse
I remember first hearing this song presented as a worship song at my last church, and then I heard it play during an episode of "Smallville." Then I finally got around to just listening to it on it's own. I recall a summer about 3 years ago I think, where I had never felt so lonely in my life. I'm fairly sure that I was about to go crazy and I know I was close to doing things to myself that I could go without admitting to. I was scared and alone. I had no one to spend time with and there were days that summer where I would go days on end with no human contact. During those times, I played this song and it really helped keep me sane, and helped me keep my faith. Though this song doesn't hold the same weight that it did those several summers ago, it's a song I tend to go back to during those times when I feel alone, when I'm scared, and when I'm lacking faith in God. It's a huge reminder that this world isn't my home and my #1 goal and dream is that when I pass from this life and stand before God, I can hear him say "Welcome home" and "Good job, my good and faithful servant." Not for the rewards of robes, crowns, or mansions in heaven. No, I don't care about any of that. All I want is to just be in God's presence. To just feel his embrace and his love for eternity. That's why I love this song, because I tend to forget that is my biggest goal, especially when I get caught up with the things of this world. Now finally....

#1
"Sanctuary" by Utada Hikaru
Remember the first day you had a copy of Kingdom Hearts II in your hand and you popped that disc into your PS2, you clicked New Game and this beauty started playing? Do you remember the chill that went down your spine? I do. This song is one of the only songs I can think of where I would literally have it on repeat for 24 hours straight and not be bored with it. I would sleep to this song, think to this song, work out to this song. Shoot, someone even took it and made a hip hop beat out of it and now I'm writing rap verses to this song. I love this song so much that I try to listen to it at least once a day if not more. I also take this song and imagine a scene while it plays. I'll lay out the scene and then explain why I imagine it. Here we go: Imagine you're on a beach. White sand and a calm sea. You stand there looking down the beach and you see a hood and robed figure standing in front of you. He pulls out a sword (I personally picture a lightsaber, just because I'm a huge SW fan, but take your pick) and you notice that you yourself have a weapon just the same as this figure. You're not sure who this person is, but you have this sense that this is a fight you can't escape from. The two of you clash swords, you continue fighting, things get intense. This person is strong, very strong. You begin to lose your resolve. You continue swinging and pushing forward and going and going and then finally....you give the finishing blow. You see the hooded figure drop down and see the hood come off to reveal....you. A dark, twisted version of yourself. You look at yourself, and you see that you've now killed this version of you. When this sets in you drop to your knees and feel relief, you feel content knowing that you lived and defeated this version of you that attacked you, but you also have a feeling of great sadness. You come to realize that a part of you just died. You feel the hurt of knowing this, but you still feel relieved that you survived and you continue on. This is how I feel everytime I imagine this scene when I listen to this song. Why do I imagine and feel all these things? Well, it's because I use this song to continually put to death the old me as it says to do in scripture. I use this song to always kill the desires of my flesh and the negative and bad I hold onto that brings me down. I use this song to remind myself that as I continue to walk in this faith in Christ, I am going to have this battle everyday in my mind. And somedays the scene looks different from what I pictured above, but nonetheless, it's somethinng that must happen everyday, and if I'm going to have this battle everyday, I might as well have an anthem to play as I go through it.

Till next time

Richie The Rapper

The Naked and Hungry Soul

Tonight, as I was getting ready for a shower ironically enough, I remembered a quote from Rob Bell that struck me in a way I never really thought of before. This might make your 12 year old self come out a little bit, but what I'm about to talk about is very biblical.

The quote says as follows: "It's easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams...that is being naked." (Just in case you missed it in the picture above) I had seen this quote through pictures similar to the one above that had floated through social media and for some reason it wouldn't leave my mind tonight until I really thought about it more in detail. The epiphany that I had was one that had crossed my mind before, but not in so much detail.

Whenever I read the bible, I try to read it in 3 ways: Literally, Figuratively, and Historically. There's a passage related to tonights topic that I had to read in the first 2 ways. Matthew 25:31-46. I won't put the whole passage up, but I'll do a summary of what it says. Jesus is talking about his return. He's separating his followers and non followers. To his followers, he's allowing into heaven and the presence of God. To the non followers, he's pretty much telling them to roll bounce. Both parties are confused as to why they are given what they are given. Jesus gives the same answer but to one in the positive and the other the negative. Cue the tie in to the topic of this blog post.

To the followers, Jesus says to them: "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." (35-36) The followers ask "When did we do all these things?" (37-39, summary) Jesus responds with saying: "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (40) Likewise, Jesus pulls the same stuff on the non believers, but opposite of the believers. They, the non believers, didn't do what the believers did as mentioned above and Jesus isn't very thrilled with this.

"Okay Richie....Where are you going with this?" -You

Well....hear me out.

So, when I first read this passage when I was a bit younger I read it very literally. If I saw someone who was hungry, I needed to give them a meal. If I knew someone in jail, I should go visit them (which I do and have done terrible at this, by the way), so on and so forth...

but then tonight, I thought about this from a figurative mindset, and remember the quote from the picture above.

This thought may just blow your mind, possibly even piss you off, but...what if Jesus wants us to take this passage, not just literally, but figuratively as well? Sure, Jesus wants us to actually go and do those things mentioned above, but what if he also wants us to do those things in a much deeper context?

I re-read that scripture tonight and applied it to a much more deeper meaning than just the physical, tangible implications behind it. I thought of it like this: Many of us hunger for the love and joy that only God can truly provide. And though Jesus can fulfill that need and desire whenever he'd want to, one thing about God is that he likes to reveal himself to us through each other. So, how do we do that in context to this passage? Well...If a person is hungry for God, and is searching for him, God might just use you to help reveal himself to that person in a way that person needs. For example, a person might really be struggling to hold on to his/her faith in Christ, and it's slipping from them. Let's say for this example, that the major cause for this persons faith to begin slipping away is that person hasn't seen a true reflective example of Christ. He/She is skeptical of the church and doesn't trust anyone and no one really seems to give them their time of day. Here you have a choice: Do you take notice of this persons need and go feed their faith? Or do what may seem that others have done and leave that person to starve? My hope is you do the former.

Switching gears, let's talk about the figurative meaning behind clothing the naked. There are people who want desperately to be able to trust those around them. To be able to bear to them everything about them: The struggles, the successes, the fears, the dreams....basically everything from Rob Bell's quote. In essence...they want to be naked. Probably not physically naked, but spiritually naked. To be able to truly trust someone with everything about them. So what does this have to do with clothing them? Well, from the figurative stand point, clothing here means to basically say to them "You can trust me." Them being in this nakedness is them saying "I need somebody, anybody who is willing to cover me. I need help. I'm vulnerable." Imagine being physically naked on the street, or in your church, or at work, or you know, wherever, and you really don't want to be. It's humiliating isn't it? It is you literally baring your all to everyone around you and it can be rather embarrassing and, again, humiliating. So, you can do what most people do and say something along the lines of "Eww....get this man/woman some clothes. That's not right." And proceed to walk away in disgust or even embarrassment while leaving the need unattended, OR...do whatever you can to meet that persons needs, which in the figurative case, is taking the time to be there for that person and provide what you can, whether that means time, money, effort, energy, patience, and so on while they are dressing themselves to "be clothed in righteousness." By being there to provide for that person those "clothes" will help them to become just that...Clothed in righteousness. By being there through those rough things in that persons life, the very core things of the soul, you are helping that person in more ways then you may realize. You very well be the influential make or break it for that persons spiritual journey.

I want to make a follow up post to this to go into much more detail, but I'll save that for another time, but before ending this I want to leave you with a challenge. Read the end of Matthew 25, and look at the examples Jesus is giving those people as more than just the visible, tangible things that it says, and instead look at those things as spiritual needs. Thirsty for God's word, looking for a church home of true acceptance as they are, visiting those who are stuck in the prison of their sins and working with them to be released from that prison, and so on and so forth. Then challenge yourself to go and meet those needs for someone in your community, in your church, in your school, in your town or city. Try it and see if it gives you another perspective on what Jesus wants you to do and see how it challenges you in where you are in your own spiritual walk. Or you can do nothing about any of those needs and just keep on with your own life. You know...it's your choice. I can't make you do anything, just suggest. :)

Till next time

Richie The Rapper.

Gulf Coast Getaway 2014-Thoughts and Personal Reflection

Every January, hundreds of college students get together in Panama City Beach, Florida for a weekend of community, worship, and just plain old fun on the beach. Myself and others from the campus ministry I'm involved in were just some of those hundreds of college students. Getting up anywhere from 6 to 7:30 in the morning (or not sleeping at all), pack up a 15 passenger van, and hitting the road for a really long road trip from Kansas to Florida (or flying for some). I know for me, I was hoping to ride comfortably the entire trip. Not sure where in the world I got that idea from, but I digress.

After stopping in Memphis, Tennessee for the night and finally getting to the beach after a good 32 total hours of travel I was ready to see what God had in store for this weekend, and to my surprise, he had something in store that I wasn't really expecting nor really wanting. The theme for this year was "Empowered" with the Holy Spirit being the topic. I guess I'm not really sure exactly what I expected from the trip, other than to maybe learn a little more about the Holy Spirit and feel a much needed spiritual refresher, but what I ended up getting was something completely different.

The first half of the trip went rather well. I got to get to know people within my campus ministry a little better, or for the first time. I had fun, I slept a lot more than I wish I had, and had a nice bit of nostalgia while playing Pokemon Yellow on my phone. Everything is going good and going great. Got to the conference and started off with some amazing worship, a good message on the Holy Spirit, and enjoyed my annual "Sit on the balcony and stare at the ocean for hours and reflect and think" time.

The next day started off really well. Had more worship, great group conversations, good lunch food, and some great time hanging out on the beach and the hot tub. Then, for some reason, something really hit me and hit me hard that evening, and I began to get depressed. I began having this overwhelming feeling that I wasn't being all that included in the group. I was beginning to have feelings that I didn't want to have this weekend. I felt myself beginning to get angry, enraged even. I had such a wave of emotions, that to be quite honest, I'm not exactly sure what all I felt. All I know was something wasn't right, and I had no idea how to deal with it. I was torn. I wanted to be with people, but at the same time wanted nothing to do with anybody. There was something going on deep inside me, and needed to be addressed.

As I sit here writing this, I realize in hindsight that this trip was a trip that I was going to be directly impacted from the conference in the most indirect way. This weekend, in my life, the Holy Spirit moved, and it moved hard. These issues, these...inner conflicts I was feeling, have been things I had been feeling for quite some time. I've talked about it to some degree in recent posts, but on this particular weekend, I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit brought these feelings out so that maybe, just maybe, I could get my foot in the door of actually addressing them in a face to face manner to those that I need to communicate to about it with. I have issues, I have struggles. All of us do. If you don't have anything wrong with you, please by all means show me, I'd love to see it. One of the speakers this weekend said that you can't really explain the Holy Spirit, instead you experience it, and that the Spirit moves in whatever ways it wants to. I'm pretty confident that I experienced the Holy Spirit this weekend, and that I experienced it in a way that it wanted me to experience it.

When we talk about the Spirit, we often assume that when you encounter it that it usually ends in an emotional time of worship and what we usually feel to be this burning feeling where we begin to come in (or back into) this true state of servanthood and dedication to Christ. Now, I'm not saying this isn't always true, but if I'm to be completely honest, majority of the time, I don't think that's truly a work of the Spirit. I think it's more of just the emotional connection we get through whatever venue or event we're at at the time. After this weekend, I have become more convinced that the Spirit cares more about the deeper things then just giving you a quick spiritual high that usually wears off after a few days. I'm convinced that the Spirit cares more about bringing up the sins, the struggles, the issues, the deeper emotional issues that need to be addressed and worked on. Not only just for you and in you, but for the church body.

The Spirit is moving and it wants to be on every believer in the world, but I feel (and I'll target the Church body in America for now, just because I can observe that easier than the rest of the world) that we are just refusing to let him in. I've been in gatherings where people pray and welcome the Spirit into their presence and yet, for some reason, each and every time by the end of the gathering, it feels like if there was any trace of the Spirit, it's long gone by the time everyone makes it out to the foyer.

So why is that? Well, to be honest, I don't have an answer, only guesses and assumptions, but I feel that they should still be thrown on the table. The closest thing that I have to an answer is that one or many within a group or congregation just won't allow the spirit into them, and for all I know, could be having an impact that is hurting the congregation at large. I can guess that maybe we don't really want to invite the spirit, after all, we've placed such a high taboo on it. Or maybe when one invites the spirit he is doing it for show, to look good in front of his brothers and sisters in Christ, but really, I think it really boils down to to one main thing, and that is where are hearts are at. I've so many people who are starving for the Holy Spirit and end up leaving a congregation because they aren't being nourished enough. Now, with that said, does that mean that the body of believers doesn't have the spirit with them? Of course not, but it sure is a sign that they are also being malnourished and may not even realize it.

Where does things go from here? I've only scraped the top of the iceberg in addressing this and am purposely leaving out a lot of stuff in this post, because I only wanted to address what I have thought about since returning from this trip, but I don't want this post to be the only thing about the Holy Spirit that you stumble upon. I know God has things planned for me this upcoming year regarding his Spirit that is going to make things extremely rough and uncomfortable, and I pray that whatever may happen that through it his Kingdom may be furthered where I'm at, but I also pray for you reading this. I pray that if you do believe, that you will spend time on the Holy Spirit. That if you belong to a church that is being malnourished, that you will let God show you a way to allow his Spirit into your body and breath new life into it again. And if you don't believe, I pray that you may soon experience the Holy Spirit in a way that could never be explained, and that you will see that this God that we serve is so much bigger than any of us Christians could ever try to make him out to be. 2014 will be a year where things will happen regardless if we want it to or not. I just hope that we will.

Till next time

Richie Tha Rapper  

It's Time For A Contest

Alright ya'll. As a break in between posts, I'm going to make a short post that you get to interact with.

I'm holding a contest. That's right...a contest.

I'm in need of an idea for a song that will go on my freshman album "God's Chisel'd Masterpiece," and I want YOUR help.

There are a few basic guidelines for what I'm looking for, and there are some pretty simple rules for submitting.

I'm praying that this will be the year for me to at least get my foot in the door. I know quite a lot of you, my regular readers, have been waiting for me to come out with something, and I don't want to fail at delivering to you any longer. You're submissions could very well help me speed up the process (and you may not even know it).

The guidelines are as follows:

1) No ideas or concepts that are explicit in nature. Sorry, I'm not rapping about how many shawty's I tap or how I'm so angry at the world that I'm going to cuss and start making death threats. Not happenin'. Keep it clean.

2) It doesn't have to be specifically Christian in nature, but it's preferred. At the very least, keep it something that is positive, or I can put a positive spin or take on.

3) Keep it somewhat universal. Don't make it extremely specific. Give me an idea of something I can make a song about that will connect with a broad audience.

Now for the rules and where/how to submit ideas:

Rule 1) Don't spam me. I'm not stupid. I don't click links. I'm not going to do video submissions. Sorry.

Rule 2) Limit of 2 ideas/concepts. Call me communist, but I like everyone to have a fair chance to submit an idea.

Rule 3) Any submission that is hateful, violent, gang related, or sexual in nature will automatically be turned down (see guidelines)

Where to submit:

Here in the comment section of this post

Twitter: @richie116

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Richie.Buzz

Or if you know me personally, you can message me on my personal profile or come and actually talk to me in person. Either or....you know, whatever.

This contest will run as long as it needs to until I begin studio work on the album. So for now will say sometime in mid May. I'll make updating posts as time goes on to let you know how I'll pick a winner and when that time will be. Keep up to date for news and updates. Part 2 of "A Bounded Spirit" will be posted sometime early next week.

Till Next Time

Richie Tha Rapper

A Bounded Spirit Part 1

I haven't posted in a while, and I apologize for that. I've been getting really busy lately and keep forgetting to update my Blogger and YouTube accounts. I promise I'm working on being better at this. I have a lot on my mind, and I feel that you, the reader, could greatly benefit from what I have to share with you. 

Over the last several months, I've been feeling myself going in a very downward spiral in my faith and walk with Jesus. I've begun having this "I don't care" attitude towards people, God, and life in general. It's really sucked and I'll be honest, even with all the good things I've got going on (obtaining a job, getting a pay raise at said job, preparing to beginning renting my first house, etc), I still find myself feeling like in the end there isn't much hope for me. I literally feel stuck where I'm at, and the problem is, I don't know how to go about fixing the problem. I'm suffering from a broken heart, I constantly have self-worth and trust issues, I feel extremely unwanted most of the time, and more importantly, I'm feeling myself grow farther and farther away from Christ.

In a lot of ways, I feel, and I am, enslaved.

Normally, I really hate making posts that are going to be extremely depressing and will end up with me getting concerned phone calls from my parents. I can't promise this post won't end up like that. I can promise, however, that I am writing this with more of an "Outside-Looking-In" perspective. So with that said, I want to talk about the things that I'm pretty sure are making me feel this way.

DISCLAIMER: Some of the "things" are actually people, but I'm going to try and not make it seem like I'm calling any one individual out, so if certain parts of this post seem vague....they are.

In a sense, this post is more or less a spin off to my last post (ok, second to last post, link here: http://bit.ly/1dM3DgR). Why? Well, because I'm going to be going back to my issues with church in very slight more detail. I feel that explaining why the church, and more specifically, my church is causing me to feel the way I do without it sounding insulting, blaming, or dare I even say hypocritical may be close to impossible, but I'm going to say what's on my heart. Call it tough love.....really really tough love, but there's always a method to the madness, and I never do anything without a reason. So, to my church, please know that what you are about to read is not an attack. It's me communicating in a way that I can that there are issues that need to be addressed, challenged, and solved. 

I may or may have not mentioned it in previous posts, but I got baptized Sept. 11, 2011. It was a good day and was a day I felt I needed to have happen. I had been wanting to be baptized for several years, but never had the opportunity until then. Looking back on it now after 2 years, I wish I had waited a little longer. Or even better, I wish I had been more prepared to face the spiritual battles that I would end up having to fight. I'm saddened more than I am anything about how ill-prepared I became for this new aspect in my spiritual life. I really feel like I was just thrown in the water and that was about it. I feel like I've had to fight the battles on my own. I feel like after I came out of the water, spiritually, I was abandoned. I'm not disciplined. Metaphorically, I feel like a Timothy without a Paul, and I can tell that if I don't find a Paul soon I'll be down to strong embers of faith at best. 

There is what's known as the Five Love Languages. I won't bore you with all five of them, but I want to spend time talking about my number 1 language: Quality Time (and yes, I did the test, I scored 11 on this). Being someone who grew up a loner, having people spend quality time with me has always been detrimental in my growth, socially, mentally, and spiritually. Yet for some reason, even today, after all the growing up I've done and all the challenges and obstacles I've overcome, I still don't receive the thing I need the most. Now, I have to say that I'm not completely alone and I do spend time with people that I'm close to. I'm not belittling that. I'm also not saying that no one tries to spend time with me, however, I don't get enough. I don't get enough from my friends, but my church specifically. If you attend my church...or I guess, if I attend your church, and you're reading this and you've done things to be there for me, I don't want you reading this and thinking that I'm attacking or belittling that. I'm not. I'm very thankful for anything that you have done for me. I am, however, saying that if you want to know how to help me, actually be there for me. Call me out of the blue and invite me to do something. Seriously. I'm not that difficult. I'm really not. I'm willing to say that if more people went out of their way to be there for me to show they care, 75% of my problems will be solved and disappear. 

Now I know I can't call out the speck in a brothers eye without first taking the log out of mine. I know I'm not that great at engaging others to try and find out how I can better serve them. It's something that I'm learning and something I'll have to keep practicing, but I'm still young and, as a young Christian, I know I can do much better if I have people be a better example. I know I can follow Jesus' example by myself all day long, but it's not going to mean much if I can't learn from people in my life. It's for reasons like this that I believe God made us need community. 

So church family, if you read this, please know that I'm saying this as my way of calling for help. I love you guys and want to see God do big things with this congregation and the ministries in part, but I have to be blunt and honest. I feel that if things don't begin to change, that if people don't start getting out of comfort zones and begin to put discipleship into action within our own family, we will become stagnate and eventually die as a church. And keep in mind I'm saying this from an outsiders perspective. Elders (both title holders and actual elderly church family), train us youngsters right. Be there with us, for us, and by us as we try to become who Christ meant us to be. Because in the end, thats what I want to be.

To shift the focus off the church, and more on what's going on with me. I wanted to spend a little time talking about inner struggles and how I'm attempting to deal with them. My hope is that if you struggle with any of these issues, you can, at the very least, find comfort in knowing you're not alone, and hopefully I can share some insight on how to fight or deal with what's going on.

One of my biggest struggles right now is pornography. Not so much porn though as much as just lust in general. Yeah, I know. Taboo subject, but if you know me you'll know that I'm not really one to care about keeping social boundaries in place. I'm willing to put myself on the line by talking about this online, so I might as well go all out. 

I first got introduced to porn at the age of 10, completely by accident. I stumbled into it on the computer at my house, and even though I didn't understand what it was, it left an impression that would later catch me into a trap that so many people, both men AND women, get caught into so often and so quickly. 

So, instead of talking about the habit itself, I want to talk more about what I'm doing to try and fight my way through the habit so that way I can kick it for good and begin to heal in the areas where this has affected me, because it's affected me. If anyone ever tells you that porn is harmless....punch them....in the face.

No, I'm just kidding, don't punch someone. You'll go to jail for that. In all seriousness though, the best way I've heard the effects of porn are like being picked up real fast and then dropped like a sack of potatoes. It's not good.

I've been taking baby steps, big baby steps, but baby steps nonetheless to fighting this habit. When I face the temptation to go online and view, I do anything and everything I can to try and distract myself so I can get it away from my mind. If that means I have to go to a site that'll keep me busy reading, being interactive with, or just something that can engage me enough to keep me from going to a site, then I'll do it. 

I feel alone, and that I think is the biggest reason why this is a struggle for me. There are quite a few posts out there that talk about how that plays a role in this habit, so I'll let you research that for yourself. Still though, it's an important aspect to keep in mind. 

I know this is a lot for one post, so I'll stop here for now and do a part two later, but please, keep checking in and seeing where I'm at in life and where I'm going as I keep taking steps to reaching the goals I have. 

Till next time

Richie Tha Rapper

"If You See This": A Poem

If you see this, you know who you are
You know that I'm still here
Wishing I could hold you in my arms

You can call this cheesy, but believe me
it's not easy, knowing I've got so much fighting for my heart
and I don't know what will deceive me

Why has fighting for you become so hard though
Every thought of you has me working out my breath call it cardio
I've been pushing my limits just to see how far it'll go
You the princess always in another castle got me feeling like Mario

You've been the most consistent so sorry if I sound a bit obsess
but we haven't even seen each other in 3 months, I think it's time to end this recess
My goal as a man of God was to love you, not to manipulate
and replicate the "men" of the day, to get you to stay up late
push to intimate, and end in sex

You a queen and you don't even realize
cuz all you've ever known are the lies
but if you could see through a different pair of eyes
you would know that you're worth so much more
than the effects of borderline

At this point I don't care if people know who I'm talking about
I love you girl, you're all I seem to think about
I pray for you, I'd be more than willing to stay for you
No matter how many times you hurt me I will never hate you

But here comes the flip side
The moment that caught my blind side
We both ended up turned around
and now something is eating me alive

I wish that we could try it out
all the laughs and anger, we could have cried it out
For you, I would go to hell and back
You better believe...you can run and tell that

I was willing to fall for you
Now let me see if I can rise for you
I've been told that I spent to much time for you
but it was worth every dime for you

We can't deny we clicked
but there was always tension
I could hear the story in my head
and it was much stranger than fiction

If this indeed the end, then let me begin
to share how honored I've been
to share in your life
your smiles, your tears
your blood, your sweat
your joys, your fears

If you see this I pray that God will bring you closer to him
and if it's his will the day we meet anew will become closer again.

 I love you.....

But God loves you more.