Things On My Mind

There's several things about this picture above that could be interpreted for this blog, but I want you to focus just on the Lego character. What do you see? I'm looking for a specific. Take a guess...

If you guessed that he is by himself, you would have guessed right. That's what I want to talk about with this post. This is something that has been on my heart and mind lately. I've been feeling very alone lately.

Now I know people will tell me that I'm never alone, and to an extent they would be correct. I know that I have Christ, who is always with me. However, even Jesus was around people. The only times that I'm aware of that he was alone was when he went to pray and when he was nailed to the cross. He had his disciples, who he talked to when things were troubling him. He ate with them, hung out with them, etc. Christ was, to a large extent, a people person. I don't think that he was a huge introvert, though he did find his time to be by himself.

I was doing some reminiscing earlier today, and almost got to the point of tears...almost. I feel like I am slowly becoming hard-hearted and not allowing myself to cry, and I'm finding this to become slightly unhealthy for me. As I was thinking back on my past, I realized that I've never had more than a handful of friends at any given point of my life. Throughout certain points, I had less than that. Growing up very sheltered, I was never given the chance to meet people and hang out. Sadly, this has followed me even all the way up to young adulthood. I would be lying if I said I didn't resent it. If there is anything that I'm bitter about it it is that. It has caused me so many problems growing up. It's cut me away from many opportunities, and has influenced my trust issues. The only thing about it that has been positive in anyway is that if I hadn't have had this problem, I may not have come to where I am now. Which I don't regret or resent.

I have found this to be one of my biggest challenges of faith. Ever since I have came to Christ, I've had a "Outside looking in" view on the Church, and needless to say, I've been disappointed one to many times. I've had to learn the hard way not to hold my view of God in people, because that will lead me to much disappointment. Instead, I've been learning (cuz I'm not going to really 100% know until that day) how to really view God. I know that he's love, and I know that he is more. He has anger and he has sadness, but there is so much more to God than any human could ever know, save for Jesus Christ. I know that he knows why I've been feeling so alone better than I do, which is good, cuz I don't have much of a clue as to why.

I've never really liked getting sympathy from people for my misfortunes, and I don't desire it. I very much dislike it when I fall into self-pity (because "hate" is to strong a word there), yet I know I've landed into that so many times. I don't know what is going to happen or what I'm going to do to get out of this feeling. I'm certain people will try to cheer me up, and maybe even try to hang out with me more. Maybe not. Either way, I'm just praying for change with this. I'm training myself not to have the mentality that people owe me something, cuz they don't. I also don't want to think that if someone does notice this and try and cheer me up I don't want to refuse it simply because they've noticed this...if that made sense.

I know I'm never "Forever Alone." I know that, however, that doesn't neglect the fact that this feeling is very real for me. I also know that this is very real for countless other individuals. I can probably think of at least 10 names off the top of my head who are feeling the same way as me who wouldn't talk about it in any way. So I guess, in a way, you could say that I'm bout to advocate for them.

From what I've learned there are several things to help if your feeling alone:

1)Remember, you really aren't alone ever. Regardless if you believe in Him or not, Christ is with you in some way.

2)Don't hold yourself to thinking that social networking and media is going to help solve your problem of loneliness. Trust me on this one, it never will.

3)Don't bring yourself to doing destructive behaviors. Anything from drinking to porn and anything in between.

4)I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Give prayer a shot. Even if you don't believe, prayer works. Maybe not exactly the way you want it to, but it does. Give it a chance to work.

5)Have a positive mindset. Positive thinking creates positive results. Don't let negative talk or thinking consume you. It will destroy your hope in change and you'll be stuck where you are for quite some time.

I hope this helps someone. I'm hoping it helps me. I apologize for not posting in quite some time. I promise I'll try to start posting more regularly if time permits. I still want to get in on the topics from "Man Up." Hope all is well with you all and hope my American readers had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.

Till next time

Richie Tha Rapper