Gulf Coast Getaway 2014-Thoughts and Personal Reflection

Every January, hundreds of college students get together in Panama City Beach, Florida for a weekend of community, worship, and just plain old fun on the beach. Myself and others from the campus ministry I'm involved in were just some of those hundreds of college students. Getting up anywhere from 6 to 7:30 in the morning (or not sleeping at all), pack up a 15 passenger van, and hitting the road for a really long road trip from Kansas to Florida (or flying for some). I know for me, I was hoping to ride comfortably the entire trip. Not sure where in the world I got that idea from, but I digress.

After stopping in Memphis, Tennessee for the night and finally getting to the beach after a good 32 total hours of travel I was ready to see what God had in store for this weekend, and to my surprise, he had something in store that I wasn't really expecting nor really wanting. The theme for this year was "Empowered" with the Holy Spirit being the topic. I guess I'm not really sure exactly what I expected from the trip, other than to maybe learn a little more about the Holy Spirit and feel a much needed spiritual refresher, but what I ended up getting was something completely different.

The first half of the trip went rather well. I got to get to know people within my campus ministry a little better, or for the first time. I had fun, I slept a lot more than I wish I had, and had a nice bit of nostalgia while playing Pokemon Yellow on my phone. Everything is going good and going great. Got to the conference and started off with some amazing worship, a good message on the Holy Spirit, and enjoyed my annual "Sit on the balcony and stare at the ocean for hours and reflect and think" time.

The next day started off really well. Had more worship, great group conversations, good lunch food, and some great time hanging out on the beach and the hot tub. Then, for some reason, something really hit me and hit me hard that evening, and I began to get depressed. I began having this overwhelming feeling that I wasn't being all that included in the group. I was beginning to have feelings that I didn't want to have this weekend. I felt myself beginning to get angry, enraged even. I had such a wave of emotions, that to be quite honest, I'm not exactly sure what all I felt. All I know was something wasn't right, and I had no idea how to deal with it. I was torn. I wanted to be with people, but at the same time wanted nothing to do with anybody. There was something going on deep inside me, and needed to be addressed.

As I sit here writing this, I realize in hindsight that this trip was a trip that I was going to be directly impacted from the conference in the most indirect way. This weekend, in my life, the Holy Spirit moved, and it moved hard. These issues, these...inner conflicts I was feeling, have been things I had been feeling for quite some time. I've talked about it to some degree in recent posts, but on this particular weekend, I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit brought these feelings out so that maybe, just maybe, I could get my foot in the door of actually addressing them in a face to face manner to those that I need to communicate to about it with. I have issues, I have struggles. All of us do. If you don't have anything wrong with you, please by all means show me, I'd love to see it. One of the speakers this weekend said that you can't really explain the Holy Spirit, instead you experience it, and that the Spirit moves in whatever ways it wants to. I'm pretty confident that I experienced the Holy Spirit this weekend, and that I experienced it in a way that it wanted me to experience it.

When we talk about the Spirit, we often assume that when you encounter it that it usually ends in an emotional time of worship and what we usually feel to be this burning feeling where we begin to come in (or back into) this true state of servanthood and dedication to Christ. Now, I'm not saying this isn't always true, but if I'm to be completely honest, majority of the time, I don't think that's truly a work of the Spirit. I think it's more of just the emotional connection we get through whatever venue or event we're at at the time. After this weekend, I have become more convinced that the Spirit cares more about the deeper things then just giving you a quick spiritual high that usually wears off after a few days. I'm convinced that the Spirit cares more about bringing up the sins, the struggles, the issues, the deeper emotional issues that need to be addressed and worked on. Not only just for you and in you, but for the church body.

The Spirit is moving and it wants to be on every believer in the world, but I feel (and I'll target the Church body in America for now, just because I can observe that easier than the rest of the world) that we are just refusing to let him in. I've been in gatherings where people pray and welcome the Spirit into their presence and yet, for some reason, each and every time by the end of the gathering, it feels like if there was any trace of the Spirit, it's long gone by the time everyone makes it out to the foyer.

So why is that? Well, to be honest, I don't have an answer, only guesses and assumptions, but I feel that they should still be thrown on the table. The closest thing that I have to an answer is that one or many within a group or congregation just won't allow the spirit into them, and for all I know, could be having an impact that is hurting the congregation at large. I can guess that maybe we don't really want to invite the spirit, after all, we've placed such a high taboo on it. Or maybe when one invites the spirit he is doing it for show, to look good in front of his brothers and sisters in Christ, but really, I think it really boils down to to one main thing, and that is where are hearts are at. I've so many people who are starving for the Holy Spirit and end up leaving a congregation because they aren't being nourished enough. Now, with that said, does that mean that the body of believers doesn't have the spirit with them? Of course not, but it sure is a sign that they are also being malnourished and may not even realize it.

Where does things go from here? I've only scraped the top of the iceberg in addressing this and am purposely leaving out a lot of stuff in this post, because I only wanted to address what I have thought about since returning from this trip, but I don't want this post to be the only thing about the Holy Spirit that you stumble upon. I know God has things planned for me this upcoming year regarding his Spirit that is going to make things extremely rough and uncomfortable, and I pray that whatever may happen that through it his Kingdom may be furthered where I'm at, but I also pray for you reading this. I pray that if you do believe, that you will spend time on the Holy Spirit. That if you belong to a church that is being malnourished, that you will let God show you a way to allow his Spirit into your body and breath new life into it again. And if you don't believe, I pray that you may soon experience the Holy Spirit in a way that could never be explained, and that you will see that this God that we serve is so much bigger than any of us Christians could ever try to make him out to be. 2014 will be a year where things will happen regardless if we want it to or not. I just hope that we will.

Till next time

Richie Tha Rapper  

It's Time For A Contest

Alright ya'll. As a break in between posts, I'm going to make a short post that you get to interact with.

I'm holding a contest. That's right...a contest.

I'm in need of an idea for a song that will go on my freshman album "God's Chisel'd Masterpiece," and I want YOUR help.

There are a few basic guidelines for what I'm looking for, and there are some pretty simple rules for submitting.

I'm praying that this will be the year for me to at least get my foot in the door. I know quite a lot of you, my regular readers, have been waiting for me to come out with something, and I don't want to fail at delivering to you any longer. You're submissions could very well help me speed up the process (and you may not even know it).

The guidelines are as follows:

1) No ideas or concepts that are explicit in nature. Sorry, I'm not rapping about how many shawty's I tap or how I'm so angry at the world that I'm going to cuss and start making death threats. Not happenin'. Keep it clean.

2) It doesn't have to be specifically Christian in nature, but it's preferred. At the very least, keep it something that is positive, or I can put a positive spin or take on.

3) Keep it somewhat universal. Don't make it extremely specific. Give me an idea of something I can make a song about that will connect with a broad audience.

Now for the rules and where/how to submit ideas:

Rule 1) Don't spam me. I'm not stupid. I don't click links. I'm not going to do video submissions. Sorry.

Rule 2) Limit of 2 ideas/concepts. Call me communist, but I like everyone to have a fair chance to submit an idea.

Rule 3) Any submission that is hateful, violent, gang related, or sexual in nature will automatically be turned down (see guidelines)

Where to submit:

Here in the comment section of this post

Twitter: @richie116

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Richie.Buzz

Or if you know me personally, you can message me on my personal profile or come and actually talk to me in person. Either or....you know, whatever.

This contest will run as long as it needs to until I begin studio work on the album. So for now will say sometime in mid May. I'll make updating posts as time goes on to let you know how I'll pick a winner and when that time will be. Keep up to date for news and updates. Part 2 of "A Bounded Spirit" will be posted sometime early next week.

Till Next Time

Richie Tha Rapper

A Bounded Spirit Part 1

I haven't posted in a while, and I apologize for that. I've been getting really busy lately and keep forgetting to update my Blogger and YouTube accounts. I promise I'm working on being better at this. I have a lot on my mind, and I feel that you, the reader, could greatly benefit from what I have to share with you. 

Over the last several months, I've been feeling myself going in a very downward spiral in my faith and walk with Jesus. I've begun having this "I don't care" attitude towards people, God, and life in general. It's really sucked and I'll be honest, even with all the good things I've got going on (obtaining a job, getting a pay raise at said job, preparing to beginning renting my first house, etc), I still find myself feeling like in the end there isn't much hope for me. I literally feel stuck where I'm at, and the problem is, I don't know how to go about fixing the problem. I'm suffering from a broken heart, I constantly have self-worth and trust issues, I feel extremely unwanted most of the time, and more importantly, I'm feeling myself grow farther and farther away from Christ.

In a lot of ways, I feel, and I am, enslaved.

Normally, I really hate making posts that are going to be extremely depressing and will end up with me getting concerned phone calls from my parents. I can't promise this post won't end up like that. I can promise, however, that I am writing this with more of an "Outside-Looking-In" perspective. So with that said, I want to talk about the things that I'm pretty sure are making me feel this way.

DISCLAIMER: Some of the "things" are actually people, but I'm going to try and not make it seem like I'm calling any one individual out, so if certain parts of this post seem vague....they are.

In a sense, this post is more or less a spin off to my last post (ok, second to last post, link here: http://bit.ly/1dM3DgR). Why? Well, because I'm going to be going back to my issues with church in very slight more detail. I feel that explaining why the church, and more specifically, my church is causing me to feel the way I do without it sounding insulting, blaming, or dare I even say hypocritical may be close to impossible, but I'm going to say what's on my heart. Call it tough love.....really really tough love, but there's always a method to the madness, and I never do anything without a reason. So, to my church, please know that what you are about to read is not an attack. It's me communicating in a way that I can that there are issues that need to be addressed, challenged, and solved. 

I may or may have not mentioned it in previous posts, but I got baptized Sept. 11, 2011. It was a good day and was a day I felt I needed to have happen. I had been wanting to be baptized for several years, but never had the opportunity until then. Looking back on it now after 2 years, I wish I had waited a little longer. Or even better, I wish I had been more prepared to face the spiritual battles that I would end up having to fight. I'm saddened more than I am anything about how ill-prepared I became for this new aspect in my spiritual life. I really feel like I was just thrown in the water and that was about it. I feel like I've had to fight the battles on my own. I feel like after I came out of the water, spiritually, I was abandoned. I'm not disciplined. Metaphorically, I feel like a Timothy without a Paul, and I can tell that if I don't find a Paul soon I'll be down to strong embers of faith at best. 

There is what's known as the Five Love Languages. I won't bore you with all five of them, but I want to spend time talking about my number 1 language: Quality Time (and yes, I did the test, I scored 11 on this). Being someone who grew up a loner, having people spend quality time with me has always been detrimental in my growth, socially, mentally, and spiritually. Yet for some reason, even today, after all the growing up I've done and all the challenges and obstacles I've overcome, I still don't receive the thing I need the most. Now, I have to say that I'm not completely alone and I do spend time with people that I'm close to. I'm not belittling that. I'm also not saying that no one tries to spend time with me, however, I don't get enough. I don't get enough from my friends, but my church specifically. If you attend my church...or I guess, if I attend your church, and you're reading this and you've done things to be there for me, I don't want you reading this and thinking that I'm attacking or belittling that. I'm not. I'm very thankful for anything that you have done for me. I am, however, saying that if you want to know how to help me, actually be there for me. Call me out of the blue and invite me to do something. Seriously. I'm not that difficult. I'm really not. I'm willing to say that if more people went out of their way to be there for me to show they care, 75% of my problems will be solved and disappear. 

Now I know I can't call out the speck in a brothers eye without first taking the log out of mine. I know I'm not that great at engaging others to try and find out how I can better serve them. It's something that I'm learning and something I'll have to keep practicing, but I'm still young and, as a young Christian, I know I can do much better if I have people be a better example. I know I can follow Jesus' example by myself all day long, but it's not going to mean much if I can't learn from people in my life. It's for reasons like this that I believe God made us need community. 

So church family, if you read this, please know that I'm saying this as my way of calling for help. I love you guys and want to see God do big things with this congregation and the ministries in part, but I have to be blunt and honest. I feel that if things don't begin to change, that if people don't start getting out of comfort zones and begin to put discipleship into action within our own family, we will become stagnate and eventually die as a church. And keep in mind I'm saying this from an outsiders perspective. Elders (both title holders and actual elderly church family), train us youngsters right. Be there with us, for us, and by us as we try to become who Christ meant us to be. Because in the end, thats what I want to be.

To shift the focus off the church, and more on what's going on with me. I wanted to spend a little time talking about inner struggles and how I'm attempting to deal with them. My hope is that if you struggle with any of these issues, you can, at the very least, find comfort in knowing you're not alone, and hopefully I can share some insight on how to fight or deal with what's going on.

One of my biggest struggles right now is pornography. Not so much porn though as much as just lust in general. Yeah, I know. Taboo subject, but if you know me you'll know that I'm not really one to care about keeping social boundaries in place. I'm willing to put myself on the line by talking about this online, so I might as well go all out. 

I first got introduced to porn at the age of 10, completely by accident. I stumbled into it on the computer at my house, and even though I didn't understand what it was, it left an impression that would later catch me into a trap that so many people, both men AND women, get caught into so often and so quickly. 

So, instead of talking about the habit itself, I want to talk more about what I'm doing to try and fight my way through the habit so that way I can kick it for good and begin to heal in the areas where this has affected me, because it's affected me. If anyone ever tells you that porn is harmless....punch them....in the face.

No, I'm just kidding, don't punch someone. You'll go to jail for that. In all seriousness though, the best way I've heard the effects of porn are like being picked up real fast and then dropped like a sack of potatoes. It's not good.

I've been taking baby steps, big baby steps, but baby steps nonetheless to fighting this habit. When I face the temptation to go online and view, I do anything and everything I can to try and distract myself so I can get it away from my mind. If that means I have to go to a site that'll keep me busy reading, being interactive with, or just something that can engage me enough to keep me from going to a site, then I'll do it. 

I feel alone, and that I think is the biggest reason why this is a struggle for me. There are quite a few posts out there that talk about how that plays a role in this habit, so I'll let you research that for yourself. Still though, it's an important aspect to keep in mind. 

I know this is a lot for one post, so I'll stop here for now and do a part two later, but please, keep checking in and seeing where I'm at in life and where I'm going as I keep taking steps to reaching the goals I have. 

Till next time

Richie Tha Rapper