So tonight I decided that I was going to go outside for a bit to get some air. On my way back in, I looked up and a random thought hit me. It was quite cloudy out this evening, but I thought about something. The thought went something along these lines: "The clouds roll in and the storm hits. Then after the storm hits, the clouds tend to linger. But if you can remember that the stars are still there somewhere behind those clouds, then you will remember that the storm is only temporary. And...if you have faith and hold onto hope, you might just see a star break through." Well...I looked up and saw one star...then 3...then many many more. While I was standing there and thought about this, the clouds just magically started disappearing. A lot of people would just assume that that was natural. Maybe. Maybe not. Over the last few weeks I've been feeling slightly depressed and have been thinking negatively. A good friend of mine told me that I need to start seeing past the "storm" I was going through and train myself to think positive and positive things will happen. The other night I was reading in the book of Mark (Chapter 9) where Jesus is healing a boy from being demon possessed. His father was talking to Jesus and asked him "if he can heal the boy." Jesus asked in return what he meant by "if I can?" Jesus said that anything is possible for one who has faith. I relate so well with verse 24. It says "Right away the boy's father shouted, 'I do have faith! Please help me to have even more.'" (CEV)
Last night as a small snow storm begin to hit my city. I was outside to try and listen for God. I heard Him speaking to me. I had come to the full realization that there was something that I needed to let go. Something that I can't continue to hold onto, at least not like I have been. I stood in the street and just looked up to the sky and started to pray. As I was praying, snow started hitting my face. I wouldn't have even noticed if I didn't feel the snow melting and running down my face. Not to long afterwards, tears began running down my face as well. That prayer was probably one of the toughest things I've had to do in quite sometime.
After I got done with that I had a huge mix of emotions that lead into this morning/afternoon. Mostly frustration and anger. Today I didn't really attempt to get closer to God. In fact, part of me kinda pushed away. Walking to my school (over a mile away, with at least 1 maybe 2 inches of snow on the ground) didn't help much, but as the day progressed into tonight I started opening myself up to seeing or hearing something God was trying to tell me. Then BOOM...this happened.
I know that this is going to be a long and difficult process for me, and it's something that I'm going to have to let God have complete control over and have faith that He know's whats good for me. For now, I have to really start training myself to think positive. To start training myself to be grateful for the things I have, instead of what I don't have. And to stay focused on what God wants me to be focused on. And to wait patiently for his timing for his will for my life. I also know that God is using this situation I'm in to help me heal from my past. All of my anger, bitterness, and resentment that I have towards family, friends, and the church. I don't know what all God's got up his sleeve for me, but I shall wait and continue searching and asking questions. Through it all, in the end I want God to use me to further His Kingdom and I want Him to work in me and mold me to the image of His son Jesus. That's what I strive for, and even with all my dreams and goals, I will put His will above my own. So for everyone who is struggling with doubt and negativity, if you have given your life to Christ keep clinging. even if you have doubts or get angry with God. He'll work in and around your life. I'm no expert at it, but train yourself to think positive and you'll see results.
Till Next Time
Richie Tha Rapper
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