More Than A Foster Child

So this has been on my heart lately. I'm planning on doing a track strictly dedicated to foster care. Using real stories of real foster youth who, like me, have gone through the system and everything that happens with it. The emotions, the pains, being let down, you name it.

I've already got a beat for it and am currently writing to it. But I need help: If you are reading this and have been through the foster care system for any length of time and want to tell your story I want to know it. I promise that I won't use your name if you don't want me to. Just send me an email to richieycr@gmail.com telling however much you want. I'm really looking for stories that have this in them. 1) your thoughts and feelings that you have or are currently going through, 2) what got you into foster care, and 3) what your thoughts and feelings are about your future and where your going.

I don't have any intention of making this song "religious," I really want to put this topic out there. Let people understand what us youth have gone through in the system. Please I really am requiring help on this one. I don't plan on using my own story for this one, cuz I'll use my story in almost every other song. So help a brother out!

Richie Tha Rapper

5 Simple Ways I Plan To Not Be On The Computer This Summer...

Ok so forgive the long title for this one, but I have come to the conclusion, and I acknowledge, that I have a problem. I am addicted to my computer.

Now don't get it twisted, its not the extreme computer addiction. I battle some of those extremes, but for the most part they pretty much kicked to the curb. What I'm talking about is not even just the internet (which is a big part) but also with some games that I have on my computer, my music software, and Skype. Among many others of course. I have also figured out, through obvious observation, that this problem consist mainly during the late night hours when I should be sleeping.

So what I will be doing is determining 5 simple ways to become less addicted to my nice Lenovo computer and actually be a human and interact with others. Especially since summer is coming up really fast, this will be a really good thing to start practicing.

#1: GET OUT! I've been having a ton on my mind as of late. For who I am and being locked up in my room (and now that my roommate has left for home) by myself this equation can pretty much sum up to = not having a good outcome in the long run. I am in the process of Job searching. I am looking for a place to stay over the summer here in Manhattan. So if you readin this and lookin for the same hit me up.

#2: Read the Word! I have been lacking in getting into God's Word. I think that's been a big reason why I haven't been able to get to sleep at a decent time. I've been finding myself looking for comfort in computers. I think it's been why my mind hasn't been at ease as of late. I think the more I get into the Word the more the next 3 steps (and Step 1 to actually) will be able to take a domino effect.

#3: Fasting! Well...now that I think about this...This should probably be #1, but whatever. But yea, start a fast with technology. Maybe not necessarily with my entire computer (I do need to check emails occasionally). Start off with fasting from Facebook or something similar for a short amount of time to see how I do and go from there. Maybe fast from listening to music. Fast from using my music software (and my actually keyboard). Fast from FreeCell...Yea I play that. You get where I'm going with this.

#4: Exercise. Yea this should kinda be considered naturally. Throw how much time I spend on my computer and how much time I spend working out on a scale and guess which will tip upwards. Now that the weather is really getting nicer, working out might just be one of the best things I can do (when I'm not working after I find a job). It'll help clear my mind. Keep me focused. Etc.

and finally #5: Pray. If I get to a point where I seriously don't know what else to do but get on my computer to sit stumped for 3+ hours on what to do then I really think I just need to stop and pray. Ask for God to show me something to do. Whatever that may be.

Well I know this is kind of a short and to the point post, but seeing as it's 3 in the morning and my brain is near shut down stage for the night, I'm going to end on this note. Good luck to all the college students who will be taking finals this week. I know I got like 2 that I still need to study for a bit. So guys and gals just remember...relax. breath. If you mess up on an exam don't go into instant paranoia. Trust me on this it won't be the end of the world. If any of you who read this are college students and are about to literally flip out because of finals and want to just vent or whatever feel free to comment on this post. I'll read it and see what I can do. I know there's a lot of pressure that comes with this. Just know. It's not worth going through complete mental anguish over.

Richie Tha Rapper

Sleepy Thoughts?

Whew! So many thoughts. So little time to really think about em.

One flaw I have that I really wish I could do without is my ability (or lack of) to sleep well, at a decent time and quickly. One thing about me is that I think...a lot. Probably way more than anyone ever should. Kinda scary sometimes, really. Sometimes I'll be thinking about things that no other 19 year old would ever have cross their mind. It almost becomes an unwanted obsession. One that I'm fighting to get over.

I wanted to take a post to share just some of the things that I think about when I go to bed at night, and why I think I think really deeply about it.

A major concept that I think about a lot is being called to Heaven. Either by "Rapture" or physical body death. I don't really understand why that thought comes to mind all the time. I don't know when my time to go will be. I want to say that I'm fully ready to go, but at the moment, I'm not. Not saying that I don't want to go to heaven, thats not what I'm saying at all. I really feel that God has had me go through everything that I've gone through in my past to mold me for His use in the future. I know that I am in a place right now where I still have A LOT of learning to do myself. I really think that God wants me to use rap & hip hop for His glory. I really think that He is working on me right now so I may have a good album for "Godz Chisel'd Masterpiece."

Another thing I think about, which in this case is actually kinda normal, is trying to figure out Gods plans for me. I really think that it'll have something to do with Rap/Hip-Hop and with the whole child welfare services arena. Right now I don't fully know, but I'm working to humble myself so that way I may truly know. For all I know it may not mean me being a rapper or a Social worker. I don't know. But I really feel like both of the area's I mentioned will be heavily involved.

I know this is going to sound cheesy and I'm sure someone will probably laugh to themselves a little for this one, but I do think about women. I know you may read that and go: "Richie...that's a really broad topic to be thinking about." Well your right, so let me explain myself. In this day and age almost everyone is either in or really wanting to be in a relationship with someone. I admit that I get that way myself. A lot more than I'd care to acknowledge, but I do. With that comes just a lot of the basic things such as what do I think of the ladies that I might like that are in my life. Dating? Battling the thoughts of lust. Do they like me? Am I even mentally and spiritually ready to date a W.O.G.? Do I even want to date right now? Will it be a distraction? I battle with the thoughts of deserving. Part of me thinks that I do deserve someone right now, and then part of me thinks "eh maybe not right now." I get those thoughts because of my past. I think with this is a tribulation within itself. That it will build perseverance which builds strength which builds hope. I know God has someone out there for me. If she is here in Manhattan (even Kansas in general for that matter), another state, or even another country, I know God has someone out there waiting for me. Who knows. For all I know, if there is a woman of God out there who's heart is so in Jesus it might be good for me to look. It might help build my faith. I'll just have to wait and see.

One last thing that I think about is just my past in general. I have flashbacks to particular moments from my childhood. Even when I'm not in my room trying to sleep if I smell something that reminds me of a memory from my childhood I get an instant flashback. It's really weird yet cool that my brain can do that. But ya know...that's just a blessing from God.

I know this doesn't really go into huge detail about every little thought I have, but sometimes the things I think should just be kept between God and I (BTW, Correct grammar FTW lol). But with this I did have a small message. If you suffer insomnia as I do, don't worry about it. Philippians 4:6-7 (the verse I used in my last post) applies here. Read that and do as it says. God grants peace, even if may seem bad timed (like...3 am for instance) but rest assured that if you continue to fight your flesh and let God take control, things will begin to get easier. I know as I'm typing this I have thoughts that flash through my mind that I wish didn't, but I have to fight the anxiety of it. For if I don't I won't know the glory that God freely gives.

I'm going to stop for now, I'm actually starting to get tired now, but I'm sure I'll be back soon with another post. Till then Blessings and Grace

Richie Tha Rapper

Shock and Reflection

In light of what has transpired in the last day, I wanted to do a quick blog in personal reflection.

I want to start off by saying that by no means do I not love America. We are blessed to be in this country, and I take all of our freedoms humbly. However, and I don't want to make this a political blog, but America. I'm going to say this up front, explain, and then go on to say what I wanted to talk about with this blog. Then pass out for the night. I'm a say this upfront. STOP CELEBRATING OSAMA'S DEATH!!!!!! I say this out of love and concern. Think about it. When 9/11 happened and they showed the video feed of the middle east with the children throwing up "V's" they weren't aimed positively at us. With us pumping our fist in celebration about Osama's death what kinda message do you think that will send to those in the middle east? Just stop and come up with your own conclusions to that question. All I'm going to say is that it won't be good.

For anyone in the Middle East that happens to stumble upon this blog, please know that not all Americans/Christians are evil and bad willed. We're still trying to get it figured out to.

But enough about that. I said more than I wanted to with it. Tonight because of this, I started going in a panic mode. I had to stop, take a deep breath, and look for something God wanted to show me. And it wasn't were I was expecting. I tried at first with friends of mine online, but that wasn't where God wanted me to talk about it. Instead God had me run into a friend of mine from my building. We talked and God used his words to ease my body, mind, and soul. He gave me a couple of verses that were just so encouraging. Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

These verses help me so much. I have always had a battle with worrying. Part of me thinks its genetic. Part of me thinks it's because of my past. But either way, I acknowledge that I have a struggle with worry. I have realized that I get kinda worldly in a lot of ways about things. I worry about really big stuff and really little stuff. Case extremes: big stuff-Leaving Earth to Heaven. Little stuff-what shirt am I going to wear today.

I think after tonight this battle will now be easier to fight through, if I stay in what Philippians says. Not to be anxious. I know that in order to do this, I can't do it alone. I feel that God wants me to start being with more people, both Christian and non (I'll explain why) alike. As for hanging with believers thats obvious, to learn, grow, and fellowship. For hanging with non-believers, well...isn't that what God has commanded us to do? To show His love to those who do not believe? Not only that, but is that not what Jesus did while He walked the Earth? So yea. Basically saying...I need to get out of this room. Lol.

But I'm going to go to bed and rest. I will need my strength. Again, I'm not anti-American and in some ways I am relieved to know that Osama's personal terror on earth has come to a close, but I do not celebrate in his demise. We are all humans and have fallen short of the glory of God because of sin. In a lot of ways, we are no better than Osama was. Read Proverbs 24:17 real talk. Thats all I'm sayin. Well good night and God bless.

Richie Tha Rapper