I'm Turning A New Leaf...

Well tonight sure has been...interesting for me, to say the least. I previewed a beat for some people that I have meet on this Christian hip hop website, and as much as I appreciated the feedback, I felt that it could have been a little less...dogmatic. I got really hurt, and to be honest, quite a bit upset. But that was good. It helped me realize a few things with the help of some good friends of mine.

I have realized (and even got bluntly told) there are things about me, that I really need to change. My personality, but mostly my inner personality. I have come to full grasp that I have a problem with things of self. Esteem, respect, love. To name a few.

After going through a whirlwind the last several months...years? I have finally come to the harsh reality that I've been running from these problems and pushing them aside. I have been doing anything and everything that I can think of to get attention (well for the most part anything, but not quite to extreme. I'm sure whatever extreme thing you can think of I probably haven't done it, but anyways). I look back on my youth and realize that I was looked at as a charity case. I've realized that people have done nothing but pity me, and tonight I realized just how badly that has had a toll on me and my behavior.

I realized how much anger and resentment that I've had towards people over the years, and I've also been realizing why I've been having them. And it wasn't why I thought I did. I thought it was because people weren't there for me, but in reality, I wasn't there for me. I know that may kinda sound dumb, but as I think about it I realize thats so true.

So to cut to the chase. I'm turning over a new leaf, que the post tittle. I am going to work humbly with God to get myself changed for the better. I don't know what all is going to happen. I'm going to figure out what all I need to fast from, what decisions I'm going to need to make, and where I am going to go to make these changes. I know that this will be painful, but lets be honest, who ever fought for something that didn't go through pain?

There's a few things that I'm going to ask for while I'm going through this transformation.

#1) Prayer. Pray for me to get out of these chains that bounds me. To see myself the way that Jesus does. For me to finally let me love myself so I may truly love others.

#2) Honesty. If I am acting like I'm seeking your attention or acceptance or something like that let me know! Don't let me walk blindly. Let me know that your getting scared of it. The only way people can truly grow is if those around them are honest.

#3) Accountability. If you see me or hear me slippin' let me know so, again, I may be able to grow.

I'm really praying that God will guide me through this new tribulation and that I can have that faith to know that God will never fail. I'm seeking peace, and I know that He will provide.

Richie

Godz Chisel'd Masterpiece (The Concept)

So as I'm working on this project for my first release. I want to talk about the idea behind the tittle of what I want my first official album will be. I will be releasing an EP, hopefully and God willing, at some point this year called "The Richie Buzz EP." It'll have somewhere between 4-6 of the best tracks that will be on the album, including the upcoming single "Only God" featuring Poem Of God. I will do a post specifically for that track.

So. I'm in the production process of "Godz Chisel'd Masterpiece" right now. As far as the instrumentals are concerned, I am getting there. I just retuned the instrumental to "Only God." Now to get my other tracks going.

But enough bout all that though. It's time to let you know bout the concept behind the album that will be coming out after the EP.

I got the tittle "Godz Chisel'd Masterpiece" after I watched the video "Gods Chisel" by the Skit Guys. By the way huge shout out to them. If you haven't seen their videos go check em out on youtube and check out their website: www.skitguys.com

The idea behind it is that we are Gods workmanship. He created us to be his perfect creation. But because of sin we have things of us in our statue that need chiseled away. The things that aren't of God. But because of our human nature, we don't let God take control of our lives. We also don't see ourselves as masterpieces. In our day and age, society takes a heavy thought of "not looking like yourself." With what society presses these days with having to be the most athletic person who's slim and buff, and with the ladies to look pretty in the eyes of the world with makeup and cosmetic surgery. As well as being as skinny as a stick. Lets face it. Not everyone is cut out to look like that. But rest assured, in God's eyes, your perfect just the way you are.

My lyrics, generally speaking will be a mixture between stories/parables to 3rd person views of what people in this world really go through, both Christian and non. I know what I'm going to do won't be liked by many in the industry, but you know what? Someone got to keep it 100. I've grown up exposed to so many different lifestyles and mindsets. I've hung around so many who are not Christians. In a lot of ways I can understand where they are coming from, but with my album I want to share 2 major ideas: 1) We were made perfect by God, and He wants to get rid of everything that is not of Him out of our lives, and 2) To show the church that we need to start really understanding whats going on with people in this world. Lets face it. As a whole, we don't have it all together. Anyone who says the entire body of Christ has it together is pretty much lying. At least at the moment. We as the body need to stop and look around at the people we are trying to reach. Christians wonder why people hate us. It's because we don't do what Jesus wants us to do. We have misrepresented Christ longer than anyone on this Earth who is alive. And it's sad. I want to show the reasons people hate us (other than the fact that we are His followers), and show the ways that at least I've learned and that I feel God has placed on my heart, and that all starts with really reading into His Word.

On a small rant here, and I say this out of love, but one of my biggest pet peeves with the Church is when people (mostly pastors) say you can't preach the bible, because you didn't take seminary, or because you to young, etc, etc. Let me just ask this. Did Jesus go to seminary? Did the Apostles go to seminary? Are we all not Children in God's eyes? You want my Theology? Basic: God created us, God loves us, we screwed up, He made a promise to fix it. You'll hear in deeper context where that goes in my lyrics. I'm 19 years old and I know that God has had me go through everything that I've gone through for a distinct purpose.

So that's the basic concept behind my upcoming project "Godz Chisel'd Masterpiece." I really have a passion for music and I really love writing. I feel that this is something God has made me to do. I am always working on being humble and grateful for this gift and I want to do it all for nothing short of God's glory.

Richie Tha Rapper

Can I Keep It Real?

Alright everyone. I'm bout get real for a moment. Tonight went from a good night to a disaster in a matter of moments. I haven't been honest about some stuff. And tonight I'm going to come clean on a few things. I'm going to say some stuff that will put me out there and expose me to the point where I could be blackmailed, but ya know what? At least I'm going to be flat out honest.

You guys want to get to know me more well here it goes. Here's some of the biggest struggles I got goin on right now. I know I'm going to get judged for them, but I'm praying that God will let me persevere.

1) I've been struggling with smoking cigarettes. Yep. Sadly I do it. I've been trying to quit and it's been getting harder every time I try to. I've found it difficult to go cold turkey. I've tried cutting back, not being around people who do it, etc. I've even prayed over it. I don't see smoking as a sin, but, I know it's bad for my health and destroying my body, which is a temple of Christ, is. I hate the way I smell after I have a cig. I hate that my clothes smell like it, and just everything else that comes with it.

2) This struggle has had a better progression but the fact is that it's still there. I've been fighting with lust. I don't watch pornography as much as I have in the past. It's been about a month since I last viewed pornographic material, and I've been fighting to stay away from it even longer. But living in today's society it gets hard for me to keep my thoughts pure. And thats something I really have been praying hard over.

3) I've been struggling with anger I've had towards people in the past. I really have forgiven those that have hurt me, or at least I think I have. But the thing about me is that I'm a person that when things happen to me, I bury it down and it doesn't resurface till later. I try not to let my emotions show...ever. It takes a lot to upset me...like A LOT. But as I've grown up and have been able to understand everything that has happened to me over the years, I've realized that I do have anger. And I really have tried to be open about it to people who I trust, but sometimes I just think that they don't really understand.

4) One of the main things that I've come to terms with that I really am struggling with. I've had a problem with lying. It's something that I've kept deep down but I know I do it. It's something that I learned a long time ago as a means to survive. And I highly despise myself for it. I've lied about school mainly. I'm failing classes right now. I'm working hard to get my grades up, but I've not been honest about how I'm doing right now. I greatly hate myself because I've lied to those who care the most about me. I've lied to my great grandmother, my foster parents, and even my best friends. I want people to know this because this is what caused me to write this tonight. I'm at the brink of tears because I'm hurt. Not because of what people have done to me, but because of what I've done to people. I hurt one of my best friends tonight. And if that person decides that she doesn't want to be friends with me again, I wouldn't blame her.

I have a lot to work on, and I know I can't do this alone. I feel that I can't keep doing this music knowing that I have these things to work on. I've hurt so many, especially God.

I'm listening to "Half of Me" by Sho Baraka right now and the only thing I can tell myself right now is just how low I really am. I've contradicted everything that I want to stop. I don't deserve to do music. I don't deserve to rap. I don't deserve people to care for me. Most importantly I don't deserve God's grace through the death of His son Jesus.

But I want to change all of this, but I can't do this by myself. I need help, and I can't lie now, I've been scared to ask. I'm afraid of being judged and rejected. I know most of you will read this and by the time you get here you will have judged me. And I deserve that. But I'm asking for help. It's sad that I have to go to a blog to say this, but knowing that Jesus died for me to save me from sins and that He called me to go make disciples amongst the nation, I have to really ask myself "Am I doing His will?" Right now...no I'm not.

Right now I'm cold. My body is shaking because of that. Why I'm not shedding any tears right now is beyond me. I feel like I'm bout to throw up. Basically I'm at a low point right now and it's getting harder for me to see any peace coming my way. I know that God still loves me and that He wants to work in me, but I need to start letting Him.

You don't have to like me, ever want to speak to me, or anything ever again if you know me, but I'm asking simply for prayer. I really do feel isolated. I don't feel love. I don't feel like I belong. And I don't. But I want to feel accepted and wanted in peoples lives.

So there it is. Just wanting to keep it real.

Richie

"Who Am I?"

Again another spoken word poem before I go to bed tonight:

Who am I? To stand with the mightiest of men?

Better yet who am I to stand with the conquer of sin?

Me? I am not to do either nor can I stand against

for man who is of nothing more or less the same as me

push me down because of pride no lie

and standing against the Lord homie thats been done and failed yes you could say epically

If I ever caught myself doin such a thing I would instantly get to steppin

Na, so Who am I in my own self

I am a person who has felt pain that no child should face but one of many who do

I am a person who recognizes that I deal with an empty pride

a non existent pride if you will

a will whom to myself is strong as a Lion, but around others is as gentle and shy as a lamb

yes I know this referring to Jesus the Son of Man

but man, when you have gone through your entire life not knowing what to say if anything at all

How can I truly say what Jesus wants me to. To answer His call

I do not go outside my own dorm room and tell people about Jesus

yet on Twitter and Facebook I say it all the time

I want to be a tool to make music and to compose rhymes

but can I even do what Jesus wants me to do full time?

So who am I to say that I am a Christian rapper or even in reality a Christian?

Now I am not saying that I have not accepted Christ that would contradict

what the true point is of this script. No I am saying that I am failing on more levels than just spiritual

I find faults in myself that I'd only admit lyrically

Who am I to suggest to people what they should do if I can't care for numero uno?

I know a lot of you will hear or read this and say "Richie what do you know?"

I know that who I am is not the same as I was back in the 04

I do know that Jesus loves me and He loves you to no matter where you've been before

So who am I to you? hmm...thats a serious inquiry that makes me wonder what responses Ill get from my crew

My la familia. Gloria a Dios homie that I can even be blessed with one who prior to 06 didn't even know me

So who am I bro? Am I this wanna be Christian? Cuz if I am I think you are missin the point

Deep down in my heart I don't care about money. I said it before I'm poor and needy not rich and greedy get that greeny away from me you silly

I've been told that I can't preach because I'm not a pastor

Jesus was a carpenter homie didn't even go to college yet to teach about him you have to take a class for it?

But again...who am I? Who am I to teach what Jesus taught?

It's mind blowing enough that my sins were bought

at the cost of blood of a clean man who did not sin not once

Are you gettin all my puns? my play on words?

cuz if you are than word. Cuz some of em I might not see

So for now I'm not going to ask Who am I? I'm a ask "Who is Me?

or better yet "Who I Am?" a question that normally is incomplete

but one that doesn't need an "is" to make it repeat itself

For it shouldn't be who am I but who I Am for that is the One who works in me

Yep..leaving y'all on a cliffhanger lol. But I do hope you enjoyed that.

Now I'm off for bed because I got class in the morning. Peace!

Richie Tha Rapper

"Why Do I Write?"

No picture for this one. Just wrote a spoken word poem that I wanted to share. I'm a little tired so I know this may not make 100% sense, but I hope you get something out of it.....

Why do I write a question I ask myself all the time

I try to figure out the structue thats the backbone of my rhyme

I wasn't born in a ghetto or a place where raps and hip hop is the norm

I grew up in a home of country where all I heard was Alan Jackson or Conway Twitty

But something switched me to where I'm now confronting Sylvester as a humble Twetty

I didn't grow up with my parents lived with my great grandma

Did not feel the love that I wanted but was able to bury those feelings deep

How deep? I don't know possibly 6 feet deep.

Deep enough that it took 18 years of life for me to realize what I did with those feelings

So why do I write? I guess I write to tell people what I've gone through

The things that I have fallen in love with and what I want to pursure

I think back and think how many times I just wanted to end it all

all i would need was one call could have let myself go but no

God had a different plan but I get tired my mind hurts cuz i am just man

Twenty oh 4 that was when I was introduced to a new culture

Started writing because I wanted to escape

Wanted out of something I didn't know I was in

But God was like "nope. You have something to learn with this"

The life I wish I had lived I now don't miss

Yea I miss stuff I didn't have.

And I get angry with what I didn't have

What wasn't given to me what I didn't earn

I've learned that I am who the Bible says as poor and needy

But I wrestle with the thought that people need me

Or that I need them

So why do I write when I don't even know how to splice each line

each word to me carries a weight that I can't feel but feel the affect

I've learned survival skills to not fully trust anyone or anything

But I want to let that go because I want to be able to answer the question

of why do I write then I'll know why I love music so much

Piano is my breakfast want some of those bells for lunch

for dinner I'm going to eat up those drums and bass

cuz I feel it banging in my stomach to the point of explosion

God gives me the lessons he writing my sheet putting in the notations

each bar is not abstract it is writen in a melody and a scale

one that even we don't know and we know a lot of scales

I was written in a cleft that isn't treble or bass

a cleft that has been with me all of my life

and I have to remind myself everyday that the cleft hasn't left

and won't leave not even when I reach that last meausre

an al coda that goes to the part of the sheet that sounds the most pleasure

Many instruments were used in the making of this song.

Some of them did get hurt, but some of them became more fine and better tuned

so don't let your string or keys go untuned

So why do I write because I'm a story teller of a sound that has words and at the same time none

I write because I realize that when i write I don't understand what I'm talking about until the day that I've won

I am not second or third or fourth not a major or even worthy of a minor and by law I'm not a minor

but I can't be an adult in the eyes of the Lord cuz I still need diciplined

I'm not the winner but Jesus is the winner in me

So when I ask myself why do I write I do it because I know that it's not about what I can get from it

but what I give to it to give to others

I don't write to tell my story I am just the methaphor of a bigger story you could say it's a story within a story

but no inception because thats not a dream that I want to have and I won't have.

So why do I write? I think I'll let the pen continue explaining...

Richie Tha Rapper

Future Home On Earth

Being bold for a minute (and a bit of a nerd) I'm going to pull out a quote from Star Wars Episode 1. The quote is from Shmi Skywalker. "Now, be brave and don't look back. Don't look back."

Something that has been on my mind and heart lately is what will happen to me after college. I feel that God's got a calling for me in a much more highly urban area than were I'm at now. I feel like there isn't going to be much for me to do in God's work if I stay here long after I get out of school. Don't get me wrong, I know there is plenty of work for me to do here now, but afterwards, I just feel like a bigger more inner city would be better for me.

I love rap, I love to rap. I love Jesus, I am learning how to love Jesus.

I focus a lot of my posts on the near future, because thats important, but in this one I think it's good for me to think into the future.

I know ultimately God will provide no matter what happens, but I as a human get naturally scared of the unknown. I get scared of the future. Yes, I am scared of death. I even sometimes think I'm scared of heaven. I know as I get older those fears will start going away, but thats just a place I'm in right now.

My love for rap is growing so much. I want to get that chance to work with other brothers and sisters on tracks, on stage, and in the streets, but I'm starting to doubt that I'll get very far here.

I don't know where God would want me to go. Maybe go back to Montgomery, Alabama. Maybe Chicago, Phoenix, Philly, LA, Miami, or Detroit. Who knows? I sure don't. God does though. So I really do need to do as one of my lines from my upcoming single "Only God" says: "I need to start looking past the now and see/where God really wants me to be."

For musicians, this applies to you in more ways then I've mentioned. So my advice is the same as the advice I'm taking right now. Stay in prayer, continue working in where you are now, and have patience. God will work wonders. I know this to be true.

Richie Tha Rapper

Being Thankful

I know I haven't posted in a while. Sorry for that. I've been having some stuff I've been going through as of late. I wanted to make a quick post of a list of things that I'm thankful for.

Lately, I've been having a hard time feeling Christ in my life. Satan been throwing curve balls at me left and right. So here are some things I'm thankful for:

1. Christ: For coming to this world, living a perfect life to die for my sins. I know it sounds cliche but John 3:16 for real.

2. Life. Every aspect of it. From breathing, thinking...feeling. Everything. My life has been nothing short of a blessing and gift from God.

3. My Family: For my Mom and Dad, for my Sister, for my Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, and most of all, my Great Grandmother. I need to call her more often. But I love them, even if I had times of bitterness or resentment towards members of my family. (Most of which I won't mention) but I do love them.

4: My Gift of Music: I feel that God will continue to help mold and shape this gift. I am so thankful. It has been such a blessing to be able to use it. Even though it's mostly for my own therapy and way of escape. I pray that God will just let it pour out to people around me.

5: My mentors: I am so thankful for the mentors Christ has put into my life. Especially my friend and brother in Christ Matthew Crawford. He's given me such great encouragement and helped me through some of my most difficult challenges in the last year or so. Much love to you brother.

6: My Real Friends: In all honesty, this is really a very small number, but I'm thankful for those who I've been able to communicate with. Even if it isn't always daily, I can at least know that these friends have my back through thick and thin.

I've been facing some really tough challenges lately. I feel like nothing but negativity has been dropped on me. So I think its good that I just take a moment, breathe, and remember all the positive gifts that God has blessed me with.

Richie Tha Rapper